Closer to the Graduation Ceremony

Today I went to pick up the graduation gown and everything else at uni. Seeing all the other graduates picking up their stuff, some even came with their parents and tried the gown on the spot to make sure they get the perfect one, only then the excitement of graduating soaking into me.

And that's the gown I'm going to wear to the graduation. The heliotrope coloured hood represents the Accounting school. It's not my favourite colour but that will do.

The ceremony is on Wednesday, 16 December. Mum and Vincent are flying up from home to attend the ceremony, as well as visiting me. They'll arrive one day prior to the graduation day and stay until January. Also, a friend of mine is coming along with us. I reckon this would definitely be one of the most memorable moments in my life.

Until next post.

Am I a good person?

"Hey Rae, do you think I'm a good person?" It was the question Mr. J asked me the other day during our lunch break. Why would he ask me that question, I totally have no idea. Nevertheless, I gave him my answer.

Personally, I would not weigh the good and bad of a person based on his/her deeds. For me, the definition of a good person is a person who is reliable and can be trusted. Mr. J fits my definition of good person. During these past two years working for him, we have somehow crossed the boundaries of employer and employee relationship and have become more like friends. That is how I know that I can trust him, both as employer and friend. Therefore, for me he is a good person.

The question got me thinking about myself, though. Am I a good person? Well, I'm sure the answer would vary depends on the kind of relationship I have with different people. But I would not give it too much thought about it because I don't want to waste my time to prove that I'm a good person. I would just be a good person for the people who have come across my path and stay along. It's insanely true that I can't please everyone and thus what is important is those who are significant to me.

I am definitely not a good person according to a few women who I had a one-time-fling with . . . But hey, that's another story for another time.

Until next post.

The UFC Game

Another celebration upon completing my studies happened on the last weekend. I was surprised by a call from a friend, telling me that she got two tickets to the UFC. The UFC, people. UFC!!!

I was completely stunned by the surprise as she told me it was floor seat tickets so we're going to have a good sight of the ring. I can hardly describe how happy I was. I insisted on paying her my ticket of course but she refused to take it. It was an early graduation gift, so she said.  God knows how she found the tickets in the very last minute and it was on reasonable price, according to her. Probably on Gumtree or something. (It reminds me to preach her to never trust Gumtree.) 

So we went to Etihad Stadium on Sunday for the game. Despite that UFC is not quite a big sport in Oz, unlike football, rugby, cricket or horse racing, there were thousands of people came to watch the game. Again, Melbourne has proved that it helds the best sport events. 

We got there early and grabbed a breakfast. The door opened at 10 am and not long after the first match started. There were several men matches before the main began. Some of the athletes were Australian, fighting against (mostly) USA athletes. So we both rooted for the Australians. Well, the Australian athletes received the loudest cheer from the supporters of course. 

About two and a half hours later, the two female matches began. The first match was between Joanna Jedrzejczyk (Champ) vs Valerie Letourneau. It ended with Joanna keeping the strawweight belt by defeating the challenger, Valerie. Although she lost, Valerie did put up a good fight before she got knocked out in round 4, receiving a loud cheer from the audience for her good game in the end. 

A surprisingly different result turned out for the main match between Ronda Rousey (Champ) vs Holly Holm however. Being a big deal in the USA and being the champion, Rousey was the favourite in the match and everyone, including my friend (who is apparently a HUGE fan of her) was rooting for her. It was unfortunate that she got knocked out on the second round by the challenger and the bantamweight belt was taken away from her. 

I have to admit that I thought I would not enjoy watching this kind of game. Being a mix of kickboxing and martial art, UFC is a rough game to watch. But turned out I did enjoy it so much and I was super excited watching them fighting! Now I'm thinking about joining a kickboxing class. (Hmm, should I?)

It was definitely one of the lifetime experiences for me. Not to mention that I'm part of the history for witnessing Rousey got beaten up for the first time on her 13th match. I heartedly feel sorry for my friend, though. I don't think she has recovered from Rousey's loss . . . Nevertheless, I thanked her for taking me to the game. It was one of the happiest days of my life! 

Until next post. 

The Finsih Line

I finally finished all my exams yesterday. Yay!!! That's it. That's the end of my education. The two year of studying (read: procrastinating), continuous torture and countless of all-nighter have now come to an end. It saddens me at some point because I know I'm going to miss uni life, but at the same time I can now breathe now that I don't have to worry about tuition, or assignment due and quizzes and group works and presentations.

Thinking about what I've gone through to finish my Masters, god, I'm wondering now how did I do it? One important lesson that I learned from completing my degree: is that no matter how hard it was, how bumpy the road could be, I eventually got through it all with the sense of willingness to go an extra mile, determination and hard work. I made mistakes, I have had my fair share of disappointment and frustration, and there were never-ending obstacles along the way in my studies, yet I arrived at the finish line eventually. Surely, I have obtained knowledge and skills from the degree that would be useful in the workforce. But this one lesson, is what will make me go through life.

I'm awaiting the exam results, which I'm sure I'll pass, and the graduation is in December. Fingers crossed that everything goes smooth Mum and Vincent will be here to attend the graduation ceremony.

Upon me crossing the finish line, indeed a celebration came afterwards. I went to grab some early dinner with a friend then we went to see a movie. We vacillated between Bridge of Spies or The Last Witch Hunter. Tom Hanks won because it was the earliest show. It was real good, you should watch it. We went back to her place after the movie and she popped open a bottle of riesling with Clare Valley marked on it (my favourite). Her housemate is away interstate so we had the house for ourselves. I turned on Spotify and played Milky Chance to help us relax.

Enjoying the wine and the music, we started talking. We talked about life; the past and the future. We shared stories - good and bad, happy and sad. We shared the mistakes we made in the past and how we learned from it, did we or did we not learn from it. We conversed over our plans; her being a nurse in aged care, wanting to pursue a better career, and me juggling with visa and looking for jobs. We imagined what our own future would be like. In the end, we raised the glass and made a toast to life, whatever it turns out to be.

I thank her for such a great night. It was indeed the perfect way to celebrate my last day of uni.

The next day, which is today actually, I had a get-together dinner with my friends. One of them, Momo, has also finished her studies and is going back home for good. But she will be back here for the graduation. It was such a good night that I get to meet my friends and catch up with them after so long. It's sad that she has to leave Melbourne but all the while I'm happy for her for completing her undergraduate studies. I wish her all the best. And for sure I'm going to miss her and hanging out at her apartment with the others. She's kind enough for letting me crash on her couch. 

This may not be the end of my journey, and starting tomorrow I will have to start putting the plans together and make them happen. But for tonight, I let myself to celebrate my achievement.

Oh, and from now on, I can "Netflix and Chill", baby!

Until next post.

Quiet Sunday Night

In the past couple of weeks work has been quite hectic and tiring. We've experienced shortage on staff as people gradually fell sick. Thanks to Spring's hayfever strike. I have worked long hours to cover the abandoned shifts. So here I am, already in bed since 9.30 o'clock, having a lazy Sunday night, listening to Norah Jones's Feels Like Home album while chatting with Vincent and exchanging text messages with a friend.

I wonder if this makes me old, though. The fact is, I am feeling old. Some of my lesbian friends are out in a party tonight while I'm already in my bed. I was invited to a Halloween party on Friday and Saturday but I politely declined due to work commitment, and by today I'm completely worn out. Hence, I stayed home today. I studied a bit for Friday's exam, though. Did some practice on past exam questions. I took a nap afterward and ate some leftover food I brought from work while watching Netflix. 

That sums up my long weekend. But I'm grateful nonetheless to be having some time to rest up and lazying around. I may feel old, but boy, this is just how I am. I'd prefer a quiet day by myself, sometimes with a companion or two, playing cosy music and just winding down to a loud, crowded party. 

How's your weekend going? Hope any of you out there had a good weekend. 

Until next post. 

How I Survived My First Year

Yesterday I received an email form a uni staff on behalf of Student Experience team sort of thing, offering me a participation on telling my story of how I survived my first year as a Masters student. My story would then featured on a new app being developed for Masters students starting in 2016. It appeared to be a recommendation given from one of my lecturers to ask for my participation. I happened to build a connection with this lecturer and we had a bit of a talk about my study experience and life as an international student in Melbourne. I was, of course, excited to receive such a recommendation and an offer and therefore I immediately agreed to participate. However, in order to participate I must answer this following questionnaire.

I have been racking my brain trying to get my story out but I have yet come up with anything so far. As a lone survivor, I understand that I have to make my story encouraging for the new students. The problem is, how do I make a good story of many disappointing group works, countless of all-nigther combined with heaps of RedBull to successfully navigating the classes and assessments in the course that I'm a part of? And my final tip/thought is something sounded like a grumble of international students only hang out with peers from the same background and miss the opportunity to improve their English. Surely, these new students didn't pay tens of thousand of Australian dollar to being told off by me.

Well, hopefully I come up with something sooner than later. In the meantime, I'm going to bed and get my beauty sleep.

Until next post

Nearly There

Hey, it's nearly a month since my last post. It's Spring already in here, by the way. The weather is somewhat changing frequently everyday but I've managed to survive so far, although I fell sick a few times too many within a couple of months.

In regards to my studies, as I've told you that this is my last semester in uni so I've been busy as usual. In fact, I've just completed my last assignment tonight. I'm a few clicks away from submitting it and a proofread and that's it, I'm done! Now I need to only focus on the exams.

We're in SWOT vac at the moment, which is one week before final exams period. I have lots of revision to do considering I didn't do it since Week 1. It means I'm going to squeeze down the 12 weeks of material into one week of revision. And that is for each subject of two that are going to be examined. (Shikes!)

I have to be honest that due to the heaps of assignment load, I completely neglected one subject, that is Auditing and Assurance Services. This is the least favourable subject for me. It's not that I dislike the subject, but the assessment grades weren't up to my standard due to the lack of coordination in group work (more reason to hate group assignment). Considering this situation, I am therefore going to need all the power in me to beat this up.

In overall, I've been doing great this semester with the other two subjects. It means I still have high hopes for High Distinction in those two subjects. Fingers crossed that I'm going to nail it.

Until next post.

A Quote from Rocky Balboa

I was feeling down in the past few days. It's probably because I'm having PMS, hence the mood swing. Or maybe I was running out of the positive energy and needed a recharge. Not wanting to feeling it for a long time, I turned to Mr. J this time for positive energy boost. Knowing that he has a collection of motivation quotes on his phone, I asked him to send me one. So, this is what he sent me:

“Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done!” - Rocky Balboa.

It's one of his favourite quotes, though him being a big fan of Rocky is . . . questionable? I reckon he watched the movie.

This quote will do for me and truly reflects what I was feeling. At some point, I was (still am, actually) stuck with a report, not knowing what should I write, and there are some unsolved family issues, too. So it's enough reason to make me feel like a widow.

From now on, whenever I'm feeling down and wanting to give up, I'll return to this quote. Most of all, I'm happy to share this with you, wherever you are. Sharing is caring, so they said. And whatever you're going through, well, you're not alone in this immensely huge world with its 7 billion population. Among the 7 billion people, there is also me and this blog. I write mostly to motivate myself, but I'm glad if you feel it, too.

Until next post.

Music and I

It has been a common knowledge among the people who know me that I am an expressionless human being. I seldom express my feelings out loud to anybody and it got people assuming that there is nothing wrong with me, that everything is always fine. Admittedly, there are only quite a few people who know me significantly and to whom I always open up. Some good friend can even read my gesture and know my thought immediately. This, I suppose, is an exclusivity to them.

However, being expressionless doesn't mean that I don't have feelings whatsoever. 

As a matter of fact, I'm quite an emotional and sentimental person. It's just that I express my feelings differently. Writing has been the most useful way for me to express my feelings to other people, albeit the fact that sometimes I'm being self-conscious and write as less explicitly as I intend to. Another way is through music. Although I can't play any instrument due to the imbalance of my right and left brain (it seems that I use my left brain a lot more than the right one) - this, however, is not scientifically proven, I appreciate music as much as if I can play an instrument. (Those who dated me knew very well that I expressed my 'love' through music as I don't say "I love you" so often.)

I must always have my earplugs on when commuting and enjoying the music and my thoughts as if I'm in different world as with the other passengers. Or sometimes I would have my Kindle with me, too. I always have the music on when I'm studying or simply when am waiting for the class to begin. Suffice to say that music plays an important part in my day-to-day life. 

You see, I enjoy several different type of music. In general, I listen to electro music. It varies from Electro Dance Music (EDM) to electro/tropical house and trance music, and lately I've been listening to chillstep/chill house. It depends on my mood sometimes, too. 

I usually listen to EDM when commuting or when I'm angry at something or someone and there is nothing I can do about it. I'll have Spotify shuffling Hardwell, Martin Garrix, Steve Angelo, Knife Party and even Skrillex (though not so often I listen to his music). The angrier I feel, the more hardcore the music I play because it'll tire my soul out and therefore I will have no energy left to be angry. But ever so often I listen to their music to lift up my mood in the morning. Conversely, when I feel calm and in a good mood, I'll listen to more chilled or trance EDM such as Kygo, Odesza, Axero, Steve Cadey, Tep No, Broken Back, Thoomas Jack, Robin Schulz, Oliver Nelson (the DJ), Zedd and so on. While my favourite trance DJ's are Above & Beyond, Armin van Buuren, ATB and Tiesto.

Some other time, I would play soft/indie pop, too. It's my thinking music. I have my preference ranged between The Passenger,The Lumineers, Birdy, Regina Spektor, Ben Howard, Vance Joy, Andras & Oscar, to Florence and the Machine. I'd also play instrumental jazz at midnight before bed to help me winding down after a long and rough day. And when I need to focus when studying, I'd play classical instrument.

But most of the time, my Spotify plays EDM. 

By now I'm sure you get the idea of how music impacts me and maybe you get a slight hint of my personality. Do you?

Well, some people assumed that I'm such a clubber or party goer by knowing the truth about what kind of music I listen to. That is such a shallow thought. You know, EDM is the kind of music played in clubs. It's the kind of music played in musical events such as Stereosonic, Future, EDC, etc. Sure, it is. But it doesn't mean I'm a regular clubber, though I do go clubbing every once in a very long time (and by it I mean once or twice in a year). Some even thought I smoked weeds and get high while listening to chillstep. Boy, do they know me not so very well. Of course, I didn't bother to explain this long to them. They are not worth my time explaining, anyway. Other people were simply surprised by the kind of music I listen to. Well, I'm full of surprise, baby!

In the end, it's just me and the music I enjoy listening. What I like about music is that I always find the words I'm looking for in the lyrics, or feeling what I feel in the melody and therefore I will listen to whatever music that fits me well and not worry about what people think of me by it.

Until next post.

A Big Victory

Many times I was told that I work too much by my friends. If I don't work, I must be studying. Nana once jokingly said, "It's all about study or work for Rae." There were times I showed up at work looking exhausted from sleeping for not more than four hours at night. Or fell asleep during class. Even Mr. J said something about taking care of myself. 

I know that they're saying those things out of concern. Nevertheless, I feel bad becasue I barely have time to catch up with my good friends. At the end, they understand why I'm doing what I'm doing. Yes, I feel tired that I wish I could take a couple of days off and just sleep. Sunday is my only day off, but instead of having some rest, I have to catch up on assignments or review the materials. Even in midsemester break, which was last week, I did more uni work than taking a break.

Countless times I have been told that I'm being too hard on myself. I don't deny it. I am always being too hard on myself. Although, lately I've been treating myself for any achievement I made but I don't let myself get carried away. Sometimes I'm saying to myself that I shouldn't be too hard on myself, that I should loosen up a bit. Ofttimes I fail to do so. But to be honest, it doesn't bother me at all for failing, because I know how it feels to be hard on myself, putting all the hardwork and in the end it is paid off.

Today marked the day where I feel that the hardwork was paid off. This morning I got an email from a lecturer before class, asking me if she could have my assignment report featured as one of the Assignment Exemplars. Of course, I said yes. And later on in class, my report was the "Exhibit A" for High Distinction report. 

Was I happy? Hell, I was extremely, absolutely, utterly beyond excited. It wasn't easy in process to write the report and it took me 5 weeks to complete it. So when I got her request, all those late nights staying up, researching and complex readings, countless cups of coffee, the exhaustion and headache, they all seemed like nothing compared to the feeling of satisfaction. Surely, this is another achievement for me. 

And I'm going to tell you this: the feeling of achieving something beyond your expectation (and even others'), is just awesome. To have people doubted me, even thinking I'm no better than a useless human being (some of them are those I call family), is what making me work my ass off. It is why I'm always hard on myself. 

Well, today I thanked them for doubting me. I raised my hand in victory. Today, I beat them. 

Rae (1) - (0) Doubters

Until next post. 

No Longer Body Shaming

What would you say if your boss made a comment about your body parts? Would you take is as sexual harassment? Would you be pissed off?

It happened to me the other day. My boss, Mr. J, said, "You have a nice and perky ass, Rae." Well, I thanked him for saying that because I took it as a compliment. Also because I know him well enough and I'm sure that he didn't mean any harm by his comment on my ass. It was a genuine gesture of compliment. 

In the old days, it would probably upset me. My twisted brain would quickly turn the compliment into an insult. Here is maybe the reason why: I don't like being the center of attention and therefore I don't like people noticing me. Unfortunately, I have curvy hips and perky ass. It's just exactly what it needs to make me noticeable. 

During primary school until high school, I took so much effort to hide my assets. I dared not to wear fitted clothes. I hunched my back so my boobs wouldn't stand out, calling for attention. Although I knew my boobs weren't that big. I was 12, for god's sake. (Although, I notice that it gets bigger now after being sexually active. That is not scientifically proven, of course. But whatever. B cup will do me just fine.) As a result, I have a pretty bad posture now. I really need to go see a chiropractor regarding my posture. 

Getting all the compliments about parts of my body now feels somewhat like an eye-opener. I don't have to feel ashamed of it. I've seen some people work harder to get what I have. They have to do squat twice as much as I do, while I was born with it. My coworkers acknowledged it verbally, admitting they checked out my ass and agreed I have the best ass at work. (And no. It wasn't in a way of checking me out the way you're thinking. Whatever it is you're thinking.) Thanks to my dad. It's his feature I inherited, while my brothers got Mum's feature; no hips, flat bum. (Sorry, Mum. But you know I love you still!) 

Knowing this changes many things about me. One, I accept that I'm curvy in some parts of my body, it being my hips and ass. Two, I shouldn't be ashamed of it. Now I can call back to those who ever teased me and called me names back in school and say, "Hey look, I got a nice and perky ass and nice boobs! And you know what? I don't have to spend so much money in gym because I was born with it. Ha! (I still need to excercise, though.) And lastly, I learn to appreciate myself and be more comfortable and confident. By appreciate meaning I should invest more on yoga pants, fitted jeans and low-cut t-shirts (Mum knows I have dozens of V-neck tees.) That's my goal for Boxing Day this year. 

Until next post. 

Facing the Trade-offs

18 August, two years ago, was the day I became an aunt as my nephew, Gabriel, was born. On that day, I congratulated Mum for becoming a grandmother. He is her first grandson and I'm sure she's quite happy about it. A few days ago she celebrated her grandson's second birthday by having a feast and invited the other relatives to the house. I Facetimed her and talked to my nephew and wished him a happy birthday.

He's getting so big now and more active. I can't hold his attention for longer than 10 seconds when I Facetime him. He starts talking. And by talking I mean making a sound of "waaawuuuwaaaawuuuwaaaa". But at least he remembers me and can say my name by following after his mother. When I ask him for a kiss, he will lean forward and kiss me by kissing the screen, with a sound of "mwah". One day, when I was talking to Mum, he reached for the phone and hugged it as if he's hugging me. I burst into laughter, feeling touched. 

Following the happy event was the death of my granduncle. It happened yesterday and I found out in the late evening when I called Mum after work. I wasn't surprise to hear the news, considering that my granduncle was old. He died at age 91. In fact, I was quite calm about it. Maybe because I was in a train and didn't want to be so dramatic by bursting into tears. As I got home I was feeling fine by the news and still even managed to do some final-touch on my report and submit it just in time and, for god's sake, I danced with a grin on my face as the similarity result in Turinitin came out and it was only 8 percent. (For the record, it was nearly 3,850 words report and 8 percent of similarity that was mostly from the reference list, it isn't really bad. In case you don't understand what I'm talking about, well, the similarity prevents plagiarism, which is strictly prohibited in academic fields in here - and I'm sure anywhere else in the world.) 

Until tonight, after I Facetimed Mum and saw the dead body of my granduncle and talked to my grandaunt for a few minutes, the mourn starts to seep into me.

I lost the granduncle I've ever had.

Mum came from a big family so I have so many relatives from her side. But there are not so many elders alive. My grandfather died when I was a kid, and Grandma left us a few years ago.It was quite a loss and I still can't get over it. I never will.

I can only imagine how devastated my grandaunt is over this. She lost a daughter 3 or 4 years ago and she still hasn't been able to cope with the loss, and now she lost her husband. I feel so sorry for her, and for my granduncle.  

How funny life can be sometimes, don't you think? One day we celebrate a happy moment and the next the shove comes to push and turns life upside down.

Then it hit me right in the face. I wasn't there to celebrate Gabriel's first and second birthdays. Hell, I wasn't even there the day he was born. I didn't get to share the happy moment with my family, especially with Chris for becoming a daddy. Although I have my disagreements over his decision to get married so young and many more disagreements on the way he leads his life, and his immature thinking is frustrating the hell out of me, but he is still my blood brother. My baby brother. And I still wished I could be there to celebrate the joy because I love him and I love Gabriel as if he's my own.

And now I'm not there to support my family. Yes, I sent my condolences over the phone but god that almost counts to nothing. They say presence is what matters the most. With the mourn combined, I feel really terrible.

These are the kind of things that I'm going to miss for the decision I made. This, I wonder, if it's a trade-off, or rather a sacrifice. In order to gain something, you have to give in other things. Life always says, you can't have both.

I know that I can arguably count on "this is my life" baloney and I've been living with it since the day I made the decision to migrate here. But in my darkest moment, I feel like I'm not so sure about all this thing anymore. Although, I'm not entertained by the idea of going back home. Because as much as I love my family and the town I grew up in, I swear I will never want to live in there again.

These things, and I'm certain of it, will keep coming on me. There will be another missing happy moments, celebrations and devastating news. But I reckon this is the price I have to pay and I'm not sure if it's even worth it when it comes to my family. For one thing, I'm not having a cold feet and am not going back. Yet, I need to find a way to deal with this terrible and depressing feeling.

Until next post.

Eventually Swimming

So, I eventually went swimming today. And boy, it felt so good! Wished I had done it more often. To my luck, a friend of mine lent me her membership bracelet so that I can go in and swim for free. I was stunned that she's willing to lend me the bracelet as I only know her for less than a week. Hell, it was actually the first time we talk. May god bless her and her kind soul!

The pool was crowded by the time I get there. So I waited a bit before changing into my swimmers. Fifteen minutes later I was already in the water. I managed to swim for an hour and do at least 10 laps. The pool is 30m long. My first lap, however, was tougher than I predicted. I realised it's been over two years I hadn't swum so I'm getting rusty. I knew I was out of shape in the very first stroke because I was out of my breath shortly after. But after the first lap, it got easier.

I stayed in the leisure lane and swam real slow, enjoying it. For every stroke I could feel the water, my swimmers hugging my body tightly, the clear vision under the water (thanks to Speedo goggle), the smell of chlorine, the silence as I dived down and the sound of my breath under the water. And as I eventually got my rhythm, I could swim smoothly and it's calming. It clears my head. Every feeling I feel all this time, the sadness, anger, regret, and every thought I have in the vault of my head, I took it all out in every move. That is what I like about swimming.

I swam until I couldn't feel my legs and arms and I reckon it's gonna hurt like hell in the morning. Then I moved to the fast lane and did a couple of laps before getting out, which feels like a bad idea now considering the sore on all over my body.

In the locker room, I rinsed quickly. Here is the thing I don't like about locker rooms: nude women. Hey, I'm not a pervert. I don't stare. It's just locker room makes me feel so self-conscious. And to my surprise, a woman went completely naked in front of me after I got out of the shower. I acted cool and divert my gaze elsewhere, get changed and leave. But hey, it's something that I don't get to see in Indonesia, no? (And please, it's not like I don't like the view of, you know....)

Speaking of women, oh my god, there are lots of women my type in there! I'm determined to swim more often now.

I stopped by at Coles on the way home to buy a Gatorade and tampons, but ended up spending 20 bucks on chocolates and chips, minus the tampons. I got distracted. Dammit. Swimming always starves me. (It is second to sex, anyway.) Now I have like a month stock of munchies.

Tonight, hopefully, I can sleep soundly. It's something I really need these days.

After today, and considering all the women, I think I'm going to make this a routine. So I might go swimming again next week. That's if I don't get my period.

Until next post.

A Little Heaven

I'm being transferred to another work place to help out with my boss's new set-up business. He opens a new store. He specifically asked me because I have the experience for the job. So I said yes.

The good thing is, it's a good change for me after two years working at the same place. I just need to adapt and I would be good. Another good thing is, no one supervises me. They need me and my experience. So I'm training them. Not the other way around. Cool, hey? And they actually listen to my feedback and suggestions. Also, I got extra hours. Luckily, the new store is located near my area, so a friend drives me home after closing.

The downside is, it wears me down. I've been working double shifts for four days and always get home in comatose. Not to mention that some nights I still have to deal with assignments. It completely left me with zero energy.

But tonight ends my week of work. I'm extremely exhausted and all my body is aching. I got home just an hour ago and hopped into the shower and had a quick hot shower. I'd say, nothing can beat the pleasure of hot shower in a cold night after a long day at work. Washing the day off is just exactly what I needed. And then lying on my bed with the covers up to my chin, wearing a baggy t-shirt and just undies. This. Is. Heaven. Thanks to the electric blanket that keeps my bed warm.

I'm ready to pass out now. And what I love about my Saturday night is by the end of the day I don't have to set my alarm before bed. because tomorrow is my day off. My only day off. So, I'm gonna sleep in. I have no plans for tomorrow but I got an assignment report needs to be done. That is probably what I'm going to do all day. Then I'll go swimming on Monday before or after class. (See? I always plan ahead. Because if I didn't make a plan for what I'm going to do at least two days in advance, I'll be like a lost sheep. I'm that OCD.)

Anyway, for now I'm just gonna rest and enjoy the little heaven.

Until next post.

The Last Semester

Uni has started since two weeks ago. This is my last semester, by the way. Wow. Isn't it? I'm feeling quite anxious about it, but I might as well just enjoy my last couple of months studying. Therefore, I'm getting sucked in with uni works already.

The courses I'm taking this last semester are quite interesting, not to mention quite a heavy load for me. I've got a mountain of required and additional readings in my desk because all the three courses are theoretical subjects. Who would have thought that there are numerous theories behind accounting, which is called Contemporary Accounting Thought and Ethics? Even there's a taste of science in it. Social science it is. Well, I didn't think it that way.

I chose social study in high school and majored in Management for my undergraduate study. I did many accounting subjects before but none of it was theoretical based, nor was I told why accounting is included in social science. I'd rather sit and crunching numbers than memorising definitions and such. Although I may not be good in solving Math problems (God knows I hate it), but I'm good with doing numbers that are currencies. (I guess it's running in my blood, that talent.)

Anyhow, now that I'm actually majoring in accounting, I get the chance to learn the theories that formed the term. 

Apart from learning Contemporary Accounting Thought, I also get to learn about Auditing and Forensics Accounting. This is another new thing for me. I've always wanted to learn it and am aiming the path to become an auditor. People always cringe whenever I say that. Auditors work long hours and that it seems merciless. I know that because I've seen how my friends, who are auditors, work. I guess it'll suit me well. 

But. As I'm learning it at the moment, it's apparently quite overwhelming. I mean, all the terms and rulings and regulations and many more are very, very new to me. It's like studying Tax Law but without the numbers. Now I'm considering being a tax accountant instead. Well, I can just decide later what I really want to do. It's lucky enough if I can land a full time job right after graduate. 

Another course I'm doing is what-so-called "Accounting for Sustainable Management". In this course, I am given a new thinking about business and the role of accounting in the context of sustainability. It touches the social, environmental and financial. Or it is originally known as the "Triple Bottom Line". The other terms are: People, Planet, Profit. 

In simplicity, this course pushes me to critically think of how can business make profit while at the same time being sustainable. And the role of accounting here is to measure the sustainability. For example, the role of accounting in this context is to measure how much the social cost resulted from gambling business in numbers or currency. That is indeed a complex subject, but I'll get the hang of it. I have to.

I would like to talk more about sustainability in personal perspective, but it will be in separate post. Otherwise I might bore you to death with this lengthy post. Let's see if I can make it within this week. But sooner or later, I might have to write it out before the idea gets lost in the jumble of my thoughts.

Until next post. 

Maybe it wasn't the right time...

Remember about the girl that I talked about a few months ago? The one that I was supposed to contact since, well . . . last December? I never contacted her.

Until today.

I didn't realise that it had been this long hadn't I bumped into her coincidently. We didn't have the chance to have a little chat because I was rushing to work. But I did message her afterward, apologising for not staying to say hi.

She replied saying that it's all good and that we should catch up soon. She also mentioned that now she's in a relationship, she doesn't go out much partying, except for Soul Sisters and some other events that are more like social event.

To be honest, part of me is feeling disappointed for whatever reason that I don't understand, but another part is feeling relieved. And yes, I am talking about the "in a relationship" part of her message.

I guess, I'm feeling disappointed because only now I realised that she really meant it when she told me she wanted to get to know me better. Come to think of it, she really did try to spend time with me to find out more about me. I don't know about her intention, and would never know. But it does seem like she was giving me a green light and I was too oblivious of it.

Although it was never my intention to want to be romantically involved with her, it stung me to find out that she is someone else's now. Why do I feel like I blew off my chances, is something that confuses me. Now it feels like there are boundaries between us. One being we cannot meet outside social events like we used to. She's now the sorry-I-can't-reply-your-message-after-10 pm type of "in a relationship".

Of course, I could blame it on my study and work loads that prevented me to have more free time to go out with her every time she asked. But I would be in denial if I say so. Because I know, deep down, I wasn't ready then, to get too attached to someone. (I am not ready now, too). The fact that I didn't have the courage to contact her and I so easily let it slip through my fingers without enough try to grasp it say so much.

I'm happy for her nevertheless and I think she deserves to be happy, knowing that she's such a nice person.

As much as feeling disappointed, I'm also feeling relieved because now I don't have to hang on to whatever feeling I have. Maybe this just wasn't in the right time.

Do I regret this? Maybe yes. Maybe not. But it's not enough to make go all emo and masochist. Most likely I am fine and sooner than later I will have to fold this thought into the vault in my head.

But I did learn something from this; that when the time comes, I don't screw up by blowing it off.

When I am willing to take a big sacrifice, then I would know that that is the person, that it is the time. And I can wait patiently until it comes because I'm no in a rush anyway.

Until next post.

The Things About Living Abroad

A few days ago, I read an interesting article about the depressing side effects of living abroad published by Elite Daily. The author pointed out 5 depressing side effects of living abroad, which at some point I agreed with and another I did not.

Here are my point of views regarding the side effects:

1. Your loved ones will be devastated.

Me moving out the house and now living abroad wasn't something new for my family. When I was 11 years old, my parents sent me away to live in a dorm and since then I have been living away from them for as long as I could remember. By the age of 18, I moved interstate and stayed there for 6 years. And now I'm here, in another side of the world.
 
During the past 17 years I've been living on my own and only came home every once a year. After 17 years, I spent almost 2 years at home with my family and I couldn't take it anymore. I always longed to get away on my own. Of course, I didn't blame my parents for sending me out at such a young age.

When I told Mum I wanted to move to Australia, she was shocked. She didn't see it coming and thought that I would settle down. But after several life-changing things that happened, I knew that I couldn't stay there and need to move out again.

Of course, it wasn't easy for me to leave home again, and leave Mum. Maybe she was devastated to see me leaving, too. Maybe. Because we have never spoken it out openly. Mum and I, we are not the touchy-feel kind of persons. But I knew form the look of her face when sending me out at the airport that she was devastated.

Times went by and she seemed to have accepted my decision to stay where I am right now. She even once said to me, "If this is what you really want, then make it happen." And I will.

2. You'll feel guilty all the time.

So, here I am, living the life that I want. But I suppose that there are always sacrifices I have to make to get what I want. And one of it is the guilty feeling.

She's getting older each day and I should have stayed in her side because I'm the only daughter, and the eldest. I'm supposed to take care of her, yet I chose to leave her in the pursuit of my own better living. This guilty feeling, it pains me sometimes.

Another sacrifice is to watch my nephew growing up through my phone screen. I wasn't there when he was born and I've never hold him, not even once. I watch him through my phone screen from when he was a newborn until now, turning into an active two-year-old kid. But now he knows my face and can say my name, which I'm quite happy about.

Sometimes, I wonder when will I finally get to see him . . .

3. You'll feel really, really lonely.

I can't deny this. It gets utterly, awfully lonely sometimes. Especially at this time around the year. The Stark's saying, winter is coming, which means things will about to get rougher and tougher (and colder, literally). Well, it applies to this loneliness I'm talking about.

I have spent two Christmases, two New Years, two Chinese New Years all by myself, and only Skyped my family back at home.

I do have friends and good friends here. But I also realise that sometimes I have no one to talk to. And I mean talk "talk". When I feel it this way, it feels like the worst loneliness ever.

However, after so long I got used to it. The loneliness. The no one-to-talk-to feeling. I have embraced it and ofttimes I would shut myself out from the world and just be in solitary.

4. You won't fit in anymore.

This is definitely true. I know I have changed so much over the past two years, living abroad on my own. I have somehow adapted to the new culture, new systems, and almost everything. I have had the change of attitude and also somehow the way I see life and how people should live.

I have learned new convictions and beliefs, and I've embraced them fully. I've discovered so many new things that I could ever imagine. I have also found out about my capabilities that I never knew I had. All these seem like a really good thing for me.

But somehow, this has alienated me from the people and place where I came from. (God knows how I can't live without Netflix and Spotify.) Most of the things that I used to feel right about, they just don't now.

Only one thing that hasn't changed, and it's because Mum is tirelessly reminding me: my faith.

5. You'll lose dear friends.

Well, I didn't quite agree with this point. I am now still in contact with some of my close friends back at home, though we don't speak as often as before. But I know that they are there somewhere.

Yes, I couldn't deny that I missed my close friend's wedding last year. But it doesn't mean we cut ourselves off from each other. Because I believe that a good friendship will always find its way to survive.

Until next post. 

Winter Adventure

This week is the last week of uni break for me. I haven't done much during break but working and catching up on series and, of course, sleeping during my days off. But today a couple of friends and I took a ride to Mount Dandenong. Our plan was to go for a walk in the forest and ascend the a thousand steps, you know, for a bit of work out. Unfortunate for us, the weather forbade to do so. It was raining and foggy and terribly cold up there. So, we ended up . . . eating. (So much for a work out, hey?)

Having wanted to try the famous Australian pie, we went to Pie In The Sky for lunch. The place has country themed design and it brought us to the countryside nuance once we were seated. The place is also quite easy to find and it only took us about 20-30 minutes drive from Carneige station. There is also public transport available running a service to that area.

Feeling a bit too hungry, we ordered pies for each one of us and a bowl of chips to share. I had the cheese minced beef pie served with peas, mashed potatoes and gravy. For a cheese lover, I loved it. And the crispiness of the pie was perfect.

Our next culinary destination was Miss Marple's Tea Room. It is located just a few minutes down the road. We headed there to try its remarkable scones and pudding. Yes, never miss a dessert.

They were having a "Christmas in July" theme and therefore the place was decorated with Christmas ornaments and Christmas song was played. They even have the fireplace lighted! For a minute it felt like it's the end of the year already. Only the true Christmas is in summer.

Anyway, if you are coming to Melbourne, you definitely ought to visit these two places and any place within the Dandenong Ranger area. I bet it would be better in summer, though.

Now, I have finally had the trip I wished for. Just when I thought it would never happen, a friend offered a ride. I guess the saying of "things happen just when you least expect it" is about right. Hopefully the next trip in summer will definitely happen, too. I haven't made a plan yet but we'll see.

Until next post.

May and June Updates

Hello, July.
And yes, it's winter here again.
And, I missed two months in updating this blog.
A promise has been broken.
Again.

Anyway, a little bit of update since my last post.

May. I celebrated my 28th birthday with Tab and Nana. We met up for a quick brunch at Hopetoun Tea Rooms. It's a fancy and well known restaurant in city, and it has been for over 100 years. That time we also celebrated Tab's wedding. I'm so happy for her and I wish her happiness always.

More on May, I eventually met up with a couple of girls/women through this one application called Wapa. It's something like Grindr for lesbians. Never imagined that I would use it but hey, why not? So I set up my profile and to my surprise I got a few messages quite often. Not bad, huh? Though I never intentionally check in every day and search and start a chat to someone. I guess I'm more like the 'waiting' type. I still keep in touch with some of them after the initial meetings, while the others, well, let's just say we didn't find any common interest and so we silently agreed to call it a quit. That, and I was fast absorbed with uni stuff and works.

June. More uni and more works. I struggled to complete 9 assignments in last semester but eventually I did complete all of them. I have to say that last semester was probably the best semester ever so far because I met with good, hard working people for most of my group works. It resulted in three High Distinction group reports out four, which I'm extremely happy about. Only one group in one course that was a pain in the ass. But I guess I can never have it all perfect, right? So I'm letting it go. I'm awaiting the official results and am hoping I did good enough on the individual assignment to pass the course.

Then there were final exams. I think I did well in most of the exams. But we'll see how the results will be.

Now. I'm on school break. Nothing much to do but work. I know I promised myself to go on a trip this break, but apparently I couldn't. There are several obligations I need to meet and some more important things to do. And it means only one word: WORK.

The trip can wait.

However, I managed to gift myself for my hard work during the semester. I guess it can be an early self-treat before the results come out. And that is, I bought a Kindle!!! Just the basic one, the one that is in my budget, the Kindle Touch (7th generation). Now I can catch up on readings again.

For the record, my initial purchase from the device was The Affair by Cori Kane. It's a lesbian story, by the way. I was at lost on what book should I read on the device and the title just came up on my mind because I recently saw it on my Facebook timeline. So I searched and purchased it for $3.99. It was an easy reading with a sweet and smutty but-not-too-steamy love making scene. But it was enough to warm me up a little. Hey, don't judge me. Melbourne's winter is grey and cold, and dull and lonely. I need something to warm me up beside having hot chocolate that will add another ounce to my scale, no?

Actually, my main intention was to catch up on Game of Thrones series. You know how thick the books are, don't you? So a Kindle will do.

Well, that's pretty much it for now. I'm going to bed with one pray in my head: hopefully I really do get good grades this semester, considering the self-treat I purchased.

Until next post.

A Year Older

It's 12:27 am now and it means one thing: I just turned 28.

Holly shit. You're old!!!!! That's Nana's message to me.

Oh well, happy birthday to me!!! And I'm going to make the most out of my 28-year-old life! 

I've got some plan on the weekend with some friends for a little celebration. Can't wait for that. I really need a getaway from the routine of daily life, not to mention I've worked too much and haven't had proper sleep since last week. 

Well, I'm going to bed. (Finally, I get my bed today after nights staying in uni.)

Until next post.

Purpose of Life and Acceptance

It must be the exhaustion and also lack of sleep that caused me to doze off yesterday (Monday). I had lectures to attend on Monday from 9:30 until 17:30. That morning, I couldn't wake up and so I skipped the first lecture. It was only an hour tutorial class, I'm sure I didn't miss much.

The following lecture was from 10:30 to 13:30. I came in after 11 and left the classroom at 12:30 to have lunch. After lunch, I attended the last lecture at 14:30. I was so sleepy right after the lecture began and my mind just completely shut down. I had no clue whatsoever of the topic being discussed. (This also reminds me that I have to review the topic soon.) By the time the lecturer sent us all home, I could barely open my eyes. So I headed home straight away.

I went to bed after I get home at around 7 o'clock in the evening and passed out until almost midnight. I woke up just to have a shower, made some toast (yes, I have strange habit to eat brekkie meal for dinner), ate it while checking and replying emails from my student account, brushed my teeth and went back to sleep. In total, I dozed off for 11 hours. Just what I needed apparently, although I was supposed to finish my report that night. But I woke up fully energised in the morning. If I didn't have to go to work, I so could have gone back to sleep and snooze until well past mid afternoon.

Now, to get into what is related to the title, early after work we all went to have lunch together. As usual we talked about things. Today's topic was about the purpose of life. Mr. J began by telling us that a friend, who we all know, a guy, is feeling depressed. He told Mr. J that he is feeling lost that he doesn't know what to do in his life anymore. He's stuck. He has nowehere else to go, he lost his passion of everything that he used to be passionate about. Down and down he is going that he eventually talked it out with Mr. J. It is something that he never did before, knowing that he is really closed and always keeps things to himself.

And so we began discussing about "feeling lost" and "having purpose in life". The question raised was: "What am I living for?"

Personally, I understand what our friend is going through right now because I still can remember it clearly that just a few months ago, and even a couple of years further back, I was in the same situation as him. It was a dark hole in my life. Well, long story short, here I am now, pursuing a better life; busy with uni and work that always tire me out, chased by time and can barely think of anything else but study and work my ass off. It is all for one purpose: to settle in here.

However, I am also worried that I will have less thing to do after I graduate. Because then, I will have to face the real world again. You know, finding a real job and building a career and such thing. But it is of course a different story for another discussion.

Being wise as usual, Mr. J shared with us a passage that he found on newspaper horoscope. The passage says:

Time is rather like the ocean. We're rather like little boats cast adrift on those great waves. We have no option other than to go with the flow. No matter how many sails we raise or engines we fire up, we can't go in another direction. Nor can we speed up our progress. What choice do we have? We have one. One very big, important choice. We can choose whether to feel OK about a situation we can't change or whether to resent it. Acceptance is the key to greater buoyancy and smoother sailing.

Underline the word "Acceptance". Having a purpose in life is utterly important. But it is also essential to be able to accept how life turns out to be.

At this moment, in the pursue of my purpose, I can do nothing but keep trying. I can't speed up through the time -- because there is no such thing as time machine -- but to live it day to day until I am there. Admittedly, I haven't come to the phase where acceptance is needed because I'm still on the sail now. I also realise that I haven't tried harder and so I am not in the position to accept anything just yet.

The passage is a reminder for me nonetheless, for many other things in my life. I, too, choose to feel OK about a situation I can't change, rather than resent it. And at the same time, I will keep moving forward. Because in that way I have the meaning of living my life. It somehow gives me a reason to get up every morning.

To accept, I admit, is something that somewhat is not an easy thing to do. But keep learning and trying I will. Because it is far, far better to learn and try and fail, than to live a life regretting things that I didn't do.

Like once I told a friend, "Life wouldn't give you anything good if you don't even try to live." It's about time to reflect on my own saying.

I took the photo with my iPhone a few weeks ago when I was at Parliament Station, on the way to home after work. It somewhat has a deep meaning for me. I posted it on Instagram with a caption saying: "Up I go". That photo genuinely reflects my current life that I even set it as my phone wallpaper.  

Wuzzaahh . . . I feel like I'm 50 years older now.

Anyhow, I've got to go to bed now. Got a group meeting early in the morning and also gotta rush out one report that is due on the 21st. (This all is for the one purpose.)

Until next post.

Coffee Drinker I am

Since I moved here, I've been drinking coffee more often than I used to back in home. Renowned for having the best coffee in Australia, Melbourne has lots of coffee shop. That, and the need to stay awake the whole day is probably the reason I've become a coffee drinker. 

I need at least a cup to get me through every day and 2 or 3 in rough day. The first thing that pops up in my head in the morning is "coffeeeeee". It's like my brain can't function without caffeine. Somehow I suspect that it is my brain is always trying to seduce me into getting caffeine. It's more like me feeding my brain with coffee than my actual need of it.

When I first started drinking coffee, I start with latte. Then I got into cap. Well, with my studyload and workload, normal cap can no longer make me awake. So I start having short black and before long I start having long black. Lately, I prefer strong cap with double shots. It can last a bit longer and I stay with one cup per day. Well, supposedly one cup a day. But in reality, I have to have at least two cups. I also used to have 2 sugar but now I stick with no sugar at all. It tastes even better, apparently.

I have literally been living off coffee. Bad move. One time I had an upset stomach for having too much coffee. But it didn't make me stop either because I feel like I'm snoozing out without having coffee. Now I understand why Mum always has to have coffee every day. It used to be me who telling her to reduce her coffee consumption, or even stop drinking it because she has diabetes. Oh wells . . . .

With the coffee-craving, I finally got to taste the coffee from one of the coffee shops in Victoria Market. It's called Market Lane Coffee. They claim to be a specialist in coffee roastery that sell only "delicious high-quality" coffee. Fancying the "delicious high-quality" coffee, I have always wanted to try it but never had the chance until today.

Mind you, it's a bit expensive for a small cup of coffee. The one I had was $4.50. It's not not as expensive as Brunetti, though. Or is it? Anyway, it is more expensive than the standard coffee price. The taste was so-so. A bit too bitter and there was a faint burnt taste in the coffee. I guess the skill of the barista is clearly the most important thing in making coffee. Because I've tasted a very good coffee from different coffee shops with less pricey. One of my favorites is the coffee from a coffee shop in my uni building. The barista makes a very nice coffee, despite the rush of making it because there is always a line of people.

I am still happy that I tried Market Lane Coffee nevertheless. Also, I like their tagline on the cups. It's somehow catchy. I would probably go back there to give it another try.

Now, now. I need to get back to my report. Awake, awake!

Until next post.

A Good Saturday

In Melbourne, it is sometimes easy to have a good conversation with a stranger. Like today (Saturday morning), I got on the tram and sat next to a woman, who I happened to have a chat with. She was a blonde and around 30's. As I took a seat next to her, she said to me, "Hi, I'm not a creep but I just wanted to let you know that you smell nice." That, totally made my day. Yey! I told her that it's probably my body spray and from there we chatted a bit more. 

She asked what body spray do I use so I told her. It's Body Shop, by the way. From there, we talked about another brands and compare them in price wise. The ones that came up were Jurlique and L'occitane. Then the conversation elaborated into my culture background, what do I do here, what do I study, which uni I go to, and so on. She then also told me a little bit about her: born in Melbourne, works in telecommunication company and likes art. 

We kept chatting until we get to city and have to part ways. I got on the connecting tram that will take me to work and she walked to wherever she needed to be. We didn't exchange names. But it makes the conversation we had somehow special. A conversation between two strangers in a public transport. With a huge grin drawn on my face, I arrived at work. 

I had to work double shifts today because Alice couldn't work. So I covered for her. Then after, I went out with my Thai friends; Nana, Momo and Ploy. We went to a Thai restaurant and bar, and had some drinks and small eats.  

Another thing about living in Melbourne is that most of the time, when I go out with friends, we always go for drinks. It doesn't mean I drink a lot. I've had my fair share of drinking-until-drop experience and I'm over it now. I know I'm lightweight and so I drink responsibly. Not to mention that it is quite expensive to have drinks here. Although, it is still affordable if you do big group and order drinks in jugs. But still, it is an expensive lifestyle to do every week.  

The drinks that we had, it was like a fruit punch -- pineapple and melon -- but there was alcohol in it, which I bet is vodka. We chatted, and by chatted I mean they talked in Thai and I listened to them, while drinking. Even though I don't understand them, it's fine by me because still it is much, much better to end a long day with friends and some drinks and just relax.

Now I'm lying in bed, after hot shower. I'm feeling tired but relaxed. It always feels nice after washing the day off. 

I'm passing out, though. It's 3 a.m. now and I remember I got an assignment report to write later. 

I'm signing out . . . Goodnight, people. 

Until next post.

Out of Shape

Earlier this morning I overslept and was almost late for work. I literally jumped out of bed to quickly get ready. I could only manage to wash my face and brush my teeth. Once I left the house, I checked Tram Tracker on my phone to see how long the tram will be coming to the stop. It said: 3 minutes. Knowing I could miss the tram, I had to run to catch it. It was a short-distance run yet I was running out of breath once I get there. 

Then in the afternoon, after work, I was at uni. I needed to get to the class in level 6. But there were a lot of students waiting for the lifts. I was in level 2. So I thought, 4 levels. I could do with stairs. And guess what? I was out of breath by only one level. But up I went, and when I reached level 6 my legs were shaking. 

This only means one thing: I am so totally out of shape! 

No wonder I've been feeling unfit lately. Often I wake up feeling tired although I sleep for at least 6 hours. And most of the time I feel like I'm 90 years old with back sore.  

It's time to start doing some excercise. 

Before uni started this semester, I used to jogging because I had more free time. The thing is, the weather is getting cooler, making it unappealing to jog around the neighborhood. I don't know about you, but I don't like jogging in cold weather because I get nosebleed easily. Especially during winter. I was thinking about going to gym. But it means I have to sign up for membership and knowing me and my tight schedule, I don't think I would be able to regularly go to gym. Not wanting to waste money, I dropped the option. 

Then, another idea came up: swimming! It's been way too long since I did it. In fact, I haven't done it since I came here. I didn't realise, until now, that I miss swimming. It's like my favorite sport ever. Determined to do it this time, I spent the entire time commuting back to home on the tram searching for public swimming pool. I found zero result in my suburb. Not a problem. There's one in Melbourne Sports and Aquatic Center (MSAC) -- it's where my exams are held, by the way. But it's a bit too far for me. 

My only option left is Melbourne City Baths. It's in the city, next to my uni and easy access. They have indoor swimming pool facility and also permit guest visit and provide student price for only $5.20 per visit, and $10 for swimming and spa and sauna. Cheap! (Also, did I mention about how I love my student card? Yes, I did. For every student discount I can get with it, despite the ugly face of me printed on it.) 

That's it. I plan to start swimming in the very near future. Lucky I brought my swimsuit. For the preparation, I did online shopping for swimming cap (my hair is way too long to not wearing a cap). And since I left my goggle too back at home, I need to buy one. Think I can buy one from a sports store here. I'm a brand fanatic when it comes to swimming attire, especially the goggle, and I have to physically see it before I make a purchase. Not to mention that I have to like the design as well . . . (Weird, I know. But that's me, okay?)

Next is, sports bag. Well, I'm still deciding if I should buy one, or if I really need it. It's kinda pricey, mind you. Need to be wise in spending money for this one. 

Off to bed I am going now, feeling excited with the plan.

Until next post. 

Bulgogi

For only-God-knows reason, I'm being called "Bulgogi" at work. How in the world did they get the idea of naming me Bulgogi, I have no idea whatsoever. They say it rhymes with my name -- real name. Rhymes how, I can only imagine. It all started when Mr. J solely baptised me with "Maria" and then it went to many different names afterward. So every month they are going to find me a name and by the end of the year I will compile all the names together. It's been going on for four months now.

Anyway, it's just a thing we all have for fun. Somehow it bonds us together and I'm fine with it. After a couple of times being called that name, I start answering to the name.

In return, though, I sometimes pull a prank on them. Well, it always ends up with them paying me a revenge. A couple of times they went way too much and felt bad about it. It's alright. As long as I can take it and it's only for fun. No hard feelings. It sets everyone at loose after a busy day. I don't do this kind of thing in other work place.

One thing for sure is, they're going to miss all the fun and jokes and pranks they throw at me when I no longer work there.

That workplace, despite the lack of management skill from its manager (and that is probably the downside of working in there), is a place that full with sense of belonging from its staff. Mr. J himself, as the sole owner, is a good person. He cares for his people and often helps his staff out with their personal matters, when he's able to of course. Some staff have been working for him for many years. The longest one has worked for over 5 years. She quit when she was having a baby and has returned back to work now that her child is a year and half.

I'm not saying that the workplace is the nicest and best workplace ever. There is always a flaw of course. It gave me a lot of stress and pressure last year, even more stressful than my study. But I learned to be professional and not taking personally whatever shit happen at work. What happens at work, stays at work. Once I punch out, my shift is over and I let go off everything that is work related.

I was going to quit but then I thought, that's how any workplace would be. There is always stress and pressure and all the kind of mumbo jumbo a workplace has. There is always paradox, as well as cohesion, between the workers in a workplace that can either bond all the people working in the place together, or shatter them. Well, the ones who stay with Mr. J have bonded a good relationship with each other and that what makes the place still running, after 11 years. So I stay and learn form the weaknesses, and at the same time preparing myself for a bigger and better job.

For myself, it's the place where I met Nana (she came in the same time as me last year) and Tab. Now that we have 8 new staff, we're all getting to know each other. For some reason, I feel like I can be myself working in that place. For instance, I'm out to them. Well, more likely Mr. J accidentally figured out I'm gay and from him almost everyone knows now. And the ones who know, they're all okay with it. Another thing that I like is, no one gives a damn about anyone's religion or personal belief whatsoever. Many of them are non-believers, but like I said, no one cares.

One of the similar things we all have in common is obsessive compulsive. I am obsessive compulsive -- to a certain level (it's something that I would like to talk about sometime), and so are Mr. J and some other staff. We know what things that bother who (that's why they're able to prank me) and we all try to adjust with each other.

All in all, we all get along just fine, despite the cultural differences.

One particular staff that I've been working with since day 1 of this year, and somehow whom I have developed a good friendship with, is Vivi. She used to work for Mr. J before but she quit because she had to work somewhere else that is related to her study field. When she finished the contract and is now applying for PR, she came back to work for Mr. J.

Unfortunately, last Thursday was her last day to work. She failed her IELTS test in order to apply for PR so she has to fly back to her home country. (This also reminds me that I have to take the test sooner than later.) We got together today, along with Nana, and went out for lunch. With the theme of "Bulgogi", we went to the same Korean restaurant that Nana, Alice and I went to have dinner last time; Mook Ji Bar. It was like a farewell lunch before she flies home next week. But she will keep doing the test until she gets the required score for PR, and hopefully I will see her again back in Melbourne.

We ordered squid bulgogi, chicken soup with ginseng and sweet and spicy chicken crispy. Also, we had a little bit of cider to warm us all. We were almost going for soju but decided against it. It wouldn't be such a good idea considering it was only a little after 12 and I had to study after lunch, and Nana was having upset stomach after drinking too much water with basil seed (???).

Photo courtesy: Vivi

As always, the food was delicious. The chicken was crispy and nice and addicting. The soup came with a whole piece of chicken breast, cooked until the meat is super soft that you can easily peel it off with chopstick. And the squid bulgogi, was a yum. I now declare have developed a tremendous fond of Korean food and particularly that restaurant. Next time I will have to try a Korean barbie (I mean, BBQ).

Well, that's all about it. I was actually meant to only write about the lunch but look, it's evolved to a more big and deep meaning post about work. The art of blogging and writing, I would say.

Anyhow, I really wish Vivi all the best and may she pass the test and come back here in no time.

Until next post. 

What's in April

Welcoming April, I just spent 30 minutes looking over the study planner on my wall. I was trying to figure out my plans through the month and made notes, both on the planner and the diary, on things that have to be done.

So, what's exactly in April for me? Here are the things to look for:

1. April Fools, which is today. (No one punked me.)
2. Easter. (A good excuse to eat more chocolate!)
3. My birthday. (Will buy something nice for myself.)
4. 3 assignments to submit. (You can do this, Rae!)
5. Applying for internships. (You definitely, seriously have to actually start doing it, Rae! You will sit your ass down and pamper your CV and apply!)
6. (Possibly?) Meeting with new people, as in girls. (Hmmm . . . )

Well, thus seem like an interesting month I'll be going through, aye? 

With three assignments due in this month, though, I will definitely spend midsemester break to work on them, which starts on 2 until 8. It seems to me that no break until this semester is over. But it's okay. All this hustle and bustle of uni life and work keep me sane. I get stressed out, but I enjoy it all the same. Even though I whine like a bitch sometimes but I don't really mean it. I just like to, well . . . whine. 

I will have a good, nice break some time later. (Great Ocean Road, wait till I come to you!!!) Until then, working my ass off is what necessary. 

Other than all these, well, I wish you a happy Easter. Happy holiday! (So looking forward to have sugar overload!) 

Until next post.

Am I marriage material?

What do you think if a guy tells you that he is now actively looking for a girlfriend-to-be-wife at the very early stage of friendship you have with him? 

I met with some guy today for a dinner. Well, he's a friend I know from work actually. He was a new staff at my workplace and worked for only two weeks before he got terminated. For whatever reason, I didn't know until today. During the two weeks I have worked with him 3 or 4 times and we talked once during a break. We talked about work. 

A few days after he got terminated, he messaged me. (He asked my number while he was still working.) I asked him what happened and he asked to meet up. So today we eventually did meet after two cancelled plans because we're both equally busy. We talked a bit more about work, then he told me what happened with work. It's a long story so I'm not going to write it here. The point is he was no longer given any shift. Well, that's the reason behind the meeting. 

Then we talked a bit more. Well, it was more like he started asking me questions like why did I choose Australia, what was the reason behind me moving in here and then some follow up questions after I answered him. Didn't expect to be asked such questions, I gave him vague answers of course. At that time, I thought he was just trying to make a conversation. 

I don't remember exactly how did we get to talk about marriage and stuff. But I do remember he asked about my age. All of sudden he started talking about his plan on getting married at the age of 27 and is now starting to look for a potential candidate. He's two years younger than me, by the way. And to my astonishment, he also asked me when do I plan to get married and all. I told him honestly I haven't thought about getting married because I'm too busy with uni and work, that I'm not ready -- mostly financially. Well, that's slightly true . . . I mean, even if it's legal for gay marriage here I don't think I'm ready to marry a woman either. Dating is a thing but marriage is something. But anyway, of course I didn't tell him that. 

After I told him my view about marriage, he then said that I should start opening myself up for some guy. As I quote, "you can start looking while doing uni and work. It's a good thing to build life together from a scratch." I was at loss of word and all I could say at that time was I'll see. Absolutely didn't see it coming from him. 

Now that I'm recalling our conversation, I realised that all his questions seem to be purposely asked to get to know me more. Isn't it? Or is it just me? Was I unknowingly falling into his screening session? As I recall him saying if I start looking now and in a year I'm still only 29, so it's still alright. Mind you, he's turning 26 and planning to get married in 27. Sounds to me like he was telling me a scenario or something. Didn't he? 

Don't get me wrong. I'm sure he's not a creep. At least he doesn't look like one. In fact, he seems like a polite, nice guy -- a marriage material kind of guy. In terms of appearance, well, he's a few inches shorter than me. But other than that I think he's the kind of guy I would consider, if I'm into guys. 

Whatever it is, I should be more careful not to falsely lead him into something that I don't wish for. That if we keep in touch after today. Like I said, it was the first time we met and had proper conversation. I'm up for friendship of course. But I have to seriously consider keeping a safe distance. 

It is not that I'm too self-conscious, that I'm a hundred percent sure that he's considering me to be his future wife. Although, the idea of me fit his future wife criterion is utterly amusing. To know that I'm the kind of woman that a man would want to marry is entertaining, if not funny. Because I'm not into marriage -- to a man or woman, like ever. Not sure if it's going to change one day, though. One thing for sure is, I don't think I'm marriage material. 

Or maybe because I haven't met the right person to make me willingly let loose of my single-ship . . . .

Bleh. 

Anyway, it was just some interesting story and is probably meant nothing. Maybe it was just a sharing session between two friends. I have nothing to worry about. Right?

Until next post. 

My Saturdays

There are major rail works in many train lines, causing all the passengers to be tossed into connecting buses.

Shit. 

I'm on my way to city in Cranbourne line, completely stuck. I had to take a conneting bus from Oakleigh to Caulfield and now have to wait for 20 minutes for the train that will take me to Flinders Station. Pretty much stranded in Caulfield right now. 

Teenagers are on their way to party. People are dressed up. The night is young for them. Not for me. 

The weather is cold tonight and nothing that I want but a hot shower after long hours of work. Can't wait to wash off the day. Nothing that I want right now but my bed. 

From Flinders Station I still have to catch a tram to go home. It'll take me at least 2 hours to get home . . . .

This is how my Saturday is spent. 

This is why I don't date. 

Until next post.