I know that they're saying those things out of concern. Nevertheless, I feel bad becasue I barely have time to catch up with my good friends. At the end, they understand why I'm doing what I'm doing. Yes, I feel tired that I wish I could take a couple of days off and just sleep. Sunday is my only day off, but instead of having some rest, I have to catch up on assignments or review the materials. Even in midsemester break, which was last week, I did more uni work than taking a break.
Countless times I have been told that I'm being too hard on myself. I don't deny it. I am always being too hard on myself. Although, lately I've been treating myself for any achievement I made but I don't let myself get carried away. Sometimes I'm saying to myself that I shouldn't be too hard on myself, that I should loosen up a bit. Ofttimes I fail to do so. But to be honest, it doesn't bother me at all for failing, because I know how it feels to be hard on myself, putting all the hardwork and in the end it is paid off.
Today marked the day where I feel that the hardwork was paid off. This morning I got an email from a lecturer before class, asking me if she could have my assignment report featured as one of the Assignment Exemplars. Of course, I said yes. And later on in class, my report was the "Exhibit A" for High Distinction report.
Was I happy? Hell, I was extremely, absolutely, utterly beyond excited. It wasn't easy in process to write the report and it took me 5 weeks to complete it. So when I got her request, all those late nights staying up, researching and complex readings, countless cups of coffee, the exhaustion and headache, they all seemed like nothing compared to the feeling of satisfaction. Surely, this is another achievement for me.
And I'm going to tell you this: the feeling of achieving something beyond your expectation (and even others'), is just awesome. To have people doubted me, even thinking I'm no better than a useless human being (some of them are those I call family), is what making me work my ass off. It is why I'm always hard on myself.
Well, today I thanked them for doubting me. I raised my hand in victory. Today, I beat them.
Rae (1) - (0) Doubters
Until next post.