Spring Updates

Two months into Spring and two months after the moving hassles, my life has now returned to its normal pace again. So, here's a few updates of what's been on in my life in a nutshell.

Moving Blog

I have been thinking this long and hard that I might shut this blog down and create a new blog using a web domain. My reason is I am looking towards doing a creative writing with a mix of my personal experience about my newfound interest in holistic healing and spirituality. Being a sentimental kind of person, it is hard to leave this blog after having it for 6 years.

A lot of stories that hold a dear memories to me. But as my life is moving forward, I find it completely freeing to be disentangled from the past, hence moving to a new blog. On top of that, with my newfound interests I now know for sure that that is what I really want to do for the rest of my life. I feel like I eventually find the "place" where I belong, and sadly that this blog does not resonate with the kind of writing that I'm planning to do.

It would be a new project that I would probably do with a friend of mine and hopefully will unfold in the next year. I haven't done much about it so I would still be writing here until the new one is up and running. However, I will give you a little sneak peak of how it would be like apart from the aforementioned content; is that in the new blog, I am no longer going to hide my real identity. Yes, I am going to use my real name and a bunch of my picture. Yes, I am done hiding. Whoop whoop!

Jobs Finding

Back to reality, back to jobs searching. It has been long overdue to be staying at my current job. I am now actively looking and have been going to interviews. Although there's not much luck at the moment, but it's okay. I believe that something will come up. 

Being on Tinder
Yes, I am officially back to the market. This time, I'm trying Tinder. It took me a lot of courage and support from my friends to try it. So, a few weeks on Tinder I have met a few people, men and women, from the app and it was a lot more fun than I thought. Does it mean I am now straight, or bi-curious, or just completely confused? No. I am not straight, neither bi-curios, nor confused. I'm just... expanding my options. Ha ha!

That's all about it for now and you guys stay tuned for whatever's exciting coming up.

Until next post.

The New Place of Living

Today, exactly one week ago, I finally moved to this 2-bedroom apartment in Bundoora, an outer suburb in the north side of Melbourne. I don't know why I have always been attracted to the north side ever since I came to Melbourne. Later I found out that the north side is where most of the spiritual energy lies. You know, the hippy suburbs with hippy, but very kind society.

Ever since I moved in this place, I'm falling in love more and more with it. For the price I'm paying now, which according to the regular rent rate here is cheap, I'm quite satisfied and happy to have been guided to this place of living. It has 2 bedrooms and 1 bathroom. I occupy the master bedroom and am renting out the other bedroom to a PhD student in RMIT. The living room and the kitchen are quite spacious and there are plenty of space for furniture. There is also one car spot that is used by my housemate because I don't own a car, for now, and a storage room.

This is the living area and the kitchen. I was lucky enough that the previous tenants, who happen to be friends of my friend's, are happy enough to leave the couch and the table for me and I can pay later when I can afford it. The kitchen is now filled with equipment that my housemate and I share. Again, I'm lucky enough to have found a housemate who is happy to share the cost of purchasing all the kitchen stuff.

This picture is taken from my bedroom. As I only now own a bed and a table, that's all I have in my room. I will slowly fill it with maybe a desk or a bookshelf from IKEA, or both, and decorate it to bring a sense of spiritual touch. That is also my plan with the living area, but only until I'm comfortable enough to share my spiritual side with my housemate. You know, it turns out I can be really hippy when I'm with my close friends who know about my spiritual side.

What I love the most is the balcony! I have been wanting to get in touch with nature, you know, to be surrounded by greens, and look what I was guided to find! When the sun is out, I get a really beautiful view. Like today I woke up to this lovely and calming scene. When the weather is warmer, I will sure enough to enjoy my breakfast outside in the balcony while listening the song of the birds. If I'm lucky enough, I hope to one day spot a kangaroo in the park!

With the whole moving and settling thing, I learned something that is quite important, that is whenever I feel guided to do something, all I need to do is just put my trust in it and walk with the guidance because it would be for a greater good. From time to time I have to keep reminding myself of that lesson.

From the beginning of this moving until I have moved and now am settled, I was shown that miracles do exist. As I thought I would not get my application approved and that I would not be able to handle all this, I was shown the opposite and I received great help from my friends. As I was battling with the anxiety of the possibility that I couldn't afford the place on my own, I was sent with a housemate who happened to move in the next day after I moved. The next thing I know, one week has passed since I moved and most of the important things my housemate and I need for this place are settled.

As of now, surrounded by new energies that radiate from this place I am ready for the next guidance that will take me to the next adventure!

Until next post.

Getting Things Done

I have to admit, as much as I am excited about moving to a new place and have a lease on my own, the moving business is not so fun. There are so many things to take care of and seem to be endless, from signing all the paper works, hiring a removalist to move my stuff, and to make sure I will have electricity, gas and water running by the day I move in.

Today I spent my day off speaking on the phone and signing up contract for the utilities. Then it comes to finding a housemate. I spent hours putting an advertising for the room I'm renting out on many different websites and replying to messages about the ad. I didn't know finding a housemate can be such a time and energy consuming task. I just wish I could get it done as soon as possible.

Other than that, I think I am gratefull still for have I witnessed what I thought what was impossible is actually possible. When I seem to be stuck and helpless, miracles happen. So I'm quite positive that I would find the right housemate in time and ready to settle in. In the meanwhile, I have to get back on the mat as I have been skipping yoga for two days due to my increasing level of stress.

Until next post.

Welcoming Spring and New Beginnings

Hey, it's finally Spring here in Australia! The weather has gradually gotten warmer, although we do still have cold days, and the trees are growing leaves. I have always loved Sprig because it reminds me that Summer comes after. That also reminds me that I only have 3 months left to prepare for Summer body. (Yikes!)

Anyhow, Spring this is year seems to be quite promising for me. I am looking forward for new beginnings that could happen, in the very near future I hope. As a matter of fact, I am entering a new beginning. Remember when I mentioned about applying for a property rental? Well, I got my application approved, so I am moving on the 13th of September. YAY!

I am so happy because this would be my first time being on the lease of a property. It's a two-bedroom apartment in Bundoora and is strategically located nearby shopping center, sporting center and universities. The rent expense is slightly higher but I am planning to get a housemate. Speaking of which,  I am excited because I get to choose the housemate! The fun part is, I make the rules in the house, people! One thing that I will set out clear is definitely the pay of the rent. The next thing is, cleaning chores! I am so happy that I don't have to come home to a pile of dirty dishes and grimy kitchen.

Admittedly, this moving business has put me in so much pressure and stress. I had a few obstacles regarding this, and mind you, moving is never easy. But what I am feeling grateful is, there are people who were willing to help me sincerely. I send them my biggest THANK YOU, really. I see true friendship in them.

I am looking forward for what Spring will bring me this time. One thing that I hope for is, hopefully I get to hear good news from the jobs that I applied. I am so ready for a change in job, too. Until then, I just have to keep trying. Regardless what will happen next, I am just going to enjoy the beauty of Spring!

Until next post.

What is Yoga For Me

I found a new hobby. It's yoga. My very first introduction with yoga was in May, and ever since I have begun to practice yoga daily. Well, I always try to practice daily but on some very, very cold days during winter it was nearly impossible to get up and get on the mat. Thank goodness winter is almost over and Spring is just around the corner!

Now, three months into yoga, it has become more than just a hobby. When I first started, it was just an exercise as it helps toning my muscles and keeps my body in shape and healthy. However, gradually it is becoming a lifestyle. Spiritually speaking, yoga teaches me balance, flexibility, strength appreciation, acceptance, letting go and surrender. Often times, during the practice, I would wander why I couldn't be that flexible like the other yogis. Then I would push myself harder and deeper into the pose until I realise that I just can't, yet. So I learn to appreciate my body and listen to what it says. But more importantly, yoga teaches me how to be me and I am forever grateful to be introduced to it.

What I love the most about yoga is the various experience it has given me. One day, I came to a class of one of my favorite yoga teachers. She's a good teacher and I love the way she teaches and the music she plays during her class. Towards the end of the class, after a very intense and much faster flow we get to hold poses slightly longer and the flow had become slower, I was so caught up with my own practice, with her thoughtful words and the beautiful music, my tears just rolled down my face.

On another days, my practice took me to the feeling of agitation, anger and upset I just couldn't help but wish that the class would end soon. But through all that, I learn to accept whatever feelings that occur during the practice and move on. I have cried, laughed, fallen down on the mat, but never farted, yet, I have felt like I want to punch the instructor for making me twist, going up and down for so many times, and that's just the beauty of my practice.

Three months into practicing yoga is not a long time, I am not sure if I could call myself a yogi! Well, maybe I could call myself a newbie yogi. I still have a very long way to go and many things to learn. As of now, I am still trying to understand the "oneness" in yoga. That is, I realise, is a lifetime learning process. It is a process of going from a human being doing yoga to a human being yoga. Until then, it is all about getting my bum on the mat every day.

Until next post.

The Little Pilgrimage

How's everyone doing? I hope life is treating you all well. Even if you feel like life is being a bitch, well, do still enjoy it not any less than you should.

I have just been back in Melbourne after spending 4 weeks in Indonesia, visiting my family. Three years not going back was indeed quite a long time. The house where I grew out seemed older than what I remembered and the town seemed smaller. The people, however, seemed to stay the same. Or in my case, I have changed so much since I left the town.

Travelling back home, as I have mentioned before, was indeed a little pilgrimage I needed. Revisiting the town, the people, the family and the life I have left behind made me realise that I am so much in a better state of mind, and mental. I can tell it from the way I handled my feelings when I saw everything that had happened in the past all over again and it didn't bother me as it used to. The pain and the hurt feelings that were once rooted so deep inside me, have slowly dissipated. Yes, at this time, I think it is a pity of what had happened to my parents and my family. But it's no longer leaving a trail of bitter feelings that making me blame the situation.

As my intention of the trip was to let go of my past, indeed I have come to let go of many things of my past and it include the people who I had once a relationship with; relatives and friends. I reckon it was not meant to happen at that time because my intention was to let go of my past after all. I have also learned to detach myself from it and accept it as part of me, as I realised it now that I can never change the past and I should not live in it any longer. It's always there and it stays where it should be.

There is a quote that fits perfectly with my experience. It says, "...we don't transcend our lives; we return to the life we left behind in the hopes of something better." I did find something better from my trip home; I found myself.

Now, I have returned to my life in Melbourne and continue doing what I have been doing. Only this time around, I am heading for a new beginning. It starts from me looking for a new place and looking for jobs, still. I have applied for an apartment and hopefully I get it. Fingers crossed that I could also get the job I applied for. This time, I got a referral from the inside, which is an employee of the company. We'll see how it turns out. In the meantime, I'm just waiting and keep doing what I can for now. I have set my intentions out, said it out loud and prayed for it. Now I'm just letting it all works out, letting the universe works its way.

Until next post.

Finding the Divine

Yesterday I had the day off of work, just as what I needed after coming back from a retreat at a camp in Wesburn. I spent most of the day contemplating over my life -- the life that I have never mentioned explicitly -- and vacillating whether or not should I write what I have come up.

I decided to write my story.

To begin the story, I have to take you a few years back of my life; the part that I have never written on here openly. In 2012, my parents were separated. It was an end result of a long battle that last since 2010 and it include screams, fist punches and flying plates. I made up the latter, for the lack of metaphor but it was, no doubt, a soul-and-emotional-draining situation for all of us.

The separation tore the family apart and it broke the relationship between the father and the children. I haven't spoken to my dad ever since up until this moment. Following the separation was never-ending law suits. We were broke, desperate, in despair, and hopeless. We were hurt and hurting each other. We had no one to call for help, until we hit the point where we could only turn to God for a little hope. Well, Mum did, followed by Chris. I don't know about Vincent, but I didn't. I hit the rock bottom of my life and I shut myself from any faith that I had, closed my eyes, deafened my ears, and numbed my heart.

In 2013, I decided to pack my bag and leave.

So, here I am, away from what I call "My Past." Everything that happened in Indonesia is what I include in My Past. I chose to leave and came to Australia, and haven't gone back ever since. I chose to pursue a master's degree even though it mean I had to work hard to pay half of the tuition and the living costs. I had to juggle between studying full time and working 2 or 3 jobs. It turned me into a dead-walking human, which I'd much preferred than feeling all the pain caused by My Past.

My first year was not easy. I was struggling a lot with the studies, work and family issues that seemed to haunt me still. I was physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted. Living alone in a foreign country, I had to trust my survival skill. I seek for help and landed in the Uni's counseling service for students. I was then in counseling for 3 months, battling with depression and anxiety. I found relieve and got my way out and crawled my way through the first year.

Halfway through the second year, thinking I was okay and healed, again the shove came to push and hit me to the ground. I was back in counseling for another 5 months. Thank goodness it was free service. I was again able to pushed myself out of the black hole and got back on my feet. The next thing I know, I graduated and received my Temporary Residence visa.

With no school and nothing else to do but work, I knew something was missing but I didn't know what it was. It led me to seeking for another achievement, which was the HIIT training. Speaking of which, I manged to keep the training going for 4 months. The training left me with a new lifestyle, which I happily keep until now. I became healthier and fitter, and as a bonus I gained toner muscles and have lost 7 kilos since I started the training in March. (Still need to lose a few more weights, especially in the belly department, though!)

Since I began training, I became friends with the manager at my workplace named Michelle. She was going through a lot of pain, too. Her life was literally in chaos. But she, too, got through the worse and is now back on her feet. Through her I found the piece hat was missing; the Divine.

Long story short, it then led me to finding my faith and be spiritual awaken. I see life differently. I begin to practice yoga and meditation daily to help me with my depression and anxiety. I deal with crisis in a non-destructive way. To be awaken, however, I learn that it is important to be healed from all the wounds and pain. I realised that all this time I covered my wounds and let them rooted deeply into my soul, and I pressed the painful emotions down to the bottom. I locked everything in a box and hid it away, never bothered to look it up.

I also learn that it is the time for me to move on and so I need to be healed. The healing is rocky-road and bumpy and more often than not is rough. I know that in order to be healed I have to uncover the wounds and feel the pain and sufferings. Since after my birthday, I have been in the healing process and, boy, I was an emotional wreck. I also happened to be in an ayahuasca ceremony; an unimaginable experience. I would tell more about it in separate post, as well as the more detailed version of my finding faith and healing journey.

The healing process is then taking me to the point where I have to face and revisit My Past again. Thus, I am traveling home for a couple of weeks after 3 years. This, I believe, is a little pilgrimage for me to make a closure with My Past and to welcome a new beginning. I am also looking forward to meet my little nephew, Gabriel.

Writing this is also part of my healing process. To be able to tell this part of my story and wanting to share it with my readers is the healing I needed. I am also hoping that this story would reach many people out there, who are struggling through hardships and stumble upon this blog and happen to read this. Just so you know, you are never alone.

More stories to come and I am trying super hard to be more committed in writing!

Love, light and blessings.

My Birthday Celebration

On Saturday the 30th I turned 29. Yes, I'm on the edge of the 20's, which terrifies me a little but also excites me at the same time. It terrifes me that I'm getting closer and closer to 30, but am also excited to find what life at the end of 20's would be for me.

My birthday this year was celebrated with four separate dinners with close friends on different days. I also received many gifts from them, which I thank them genuinely. They got me cakes and lit the candles and sang the birthday song to me. It was very thoughtful of them. Yet, what ignites the tears was the happiness of being surrounded by lovely people who I can now call family.

Turning 29 has also brought me an experience of a life-turning for me and I think this is the best gift I have ever received. It has opened up a new path in my life where I can no longer looking away from. In other words, the age 29 is where I hit my turning point and my life is about to change into a whole new joirney. There are lessons that come with the new life I am about to begin and learning is what I have to do. Learn, and learn until I pass the lessons.

This may sound sketchy to you, like, "Seriously, Rae, what in the world are you talking about?" Of course, I would love to share what is happening in my life right now, and I will. Because who knows, maybe any of you out there, who read this blog, are going through a similar journey and it'd be wonderful to know that you are not alone. For  now, I do still need time to process the whole new things of how my life is turning 180 degrees from what it was. Sharing I will for when I am ready.

Until next post.

Temporary Resident and the End of the Pre-training

I know I should have posted this sooner, but I just couldn't make the time. Well, I am now officially a temporary resident in Australia for two years ahead. I got my visa approved a week ago or so and was quite jolly about it.

So what now?

I'm starting updating my resume and looking for jobs obviously. I don't deny it that since I have been working at the same place for as long as I'm here, meaning almost 3 years, it is rather hard to start looking for jobs again. It's hard to leave the place that I've grown accustomed to. I have unconciously created a comfort zone in that place, I feel like I'm wrapped in a bubble when looking for another jobs and I feel insecure stepping out of the comfort zone. That's the one reason why I have been procrastinating, really.

It's funny because coming to Melbourne, living all by myself, was actually me stepping out of my comfort zone. Now, after almost three years I feel comfortable enough to want to stay and live here, I lure myself into another comfort zone. This has to come to an end because I have obligations to myself and my family, therefore I have to force myself to put things into actions.

Another update is regarding the training I've been doing. Today I completed the first 4 weeks of pre-training! I'm so proud because I could stick to it for four weeks. On the contrary to my jobs searching business, I was able to force myself to do this training. It's not easy, I have to say, to force myself to wake up one or two hours earlier, kick the blanket and get off the bed to exercise. Not to mention the weather is getting cooler. But I can say that I'm committed to complete the training and so far I'm beginning to see the result. This is also confirmed by my friends who have been a great support that they're seeing the result on me.

I've lost 2 kilos (this, of course, is followed by clean eating) even before I completed the pre-training and my muscles have grown a bit. Not only that, I also feel healthier, my skin is glowing and I am more confident. It has nothing to do with my body weight because exercising itself releases endorphin that make me feel good, hence the increased confidence. Surely, I'm still far from my goal (yes, my goal is to get those muscles built, though I'm not aiming for it to be too bulky), however appreciating my hard work is equally important. I've also become stronger. Mind you, I started with zero fitness level that made the first two weeks feel like a torture. I do still sore after the exercise but it's not as painful as before. I'm just glad that it's all so worth it. After four weeks, it has now become a morning routine for me to exercise and I'm always looking forward to it; to the exercise and to the pain. I'm not being a masochist, but I swear the pain and soreness make me feel good, too!

The only side effect is it messed up my period cycle from 29 days to 36 days. Meaning, I was 7 days late, until I got my period today. But that's considered normal because my body is adjusting to the recent changes. So, it's nothing to worry about. Besides, I know my body and have noticed that my cycle changes when my body weight drastically changes. Other than that, I got nothing else to complain.

This coming week I'm getting into the 12 weeks resistance training and am quite hopeful to get through it. It starts tomorrow and it starts with a leg day. Well, wish me luck, people!

Until next post!

Would I Come Out to My Family?

Many times I've been asked if I would ever come out to my family. My answer is always the same, "No." I don't think that I would, or could, ever come out to my family, particularly to Mum. The reason being is, because I could imagine how they would react, and it wouldn't be a good thing.

The main reason, however, is actually because I love Mum too dearly I could not bear the thought of hurting her in the cruelest way by telling her I'm a lesbian. She would be absolutely devastated if I ever told her that. My other reason is because she has been through a lot and sacrificed so many things in her part to raise her children. Now being a single parent, I can only imagine the burden she's carrying on her shoulders for the sake of the family.

I used to say that maybe I would wait until I could be financially independent. Now I am and have even taken the responsibility of helping Mum funding Vincent's tuition, yet I still can't make myself coming out to her. Maybe, one day I would make up my mind to come out. Or maybe never.

The most important thing about this is that I don't feel the urge to come out to my family. I'm feeling just fine not telling them my true self. More of it is because I believe that my true self is more than just my sexuality preference; it is my personality, perspective, it is the way I see life, my values, principles, and belief. 

I admit that being surrounded by people who know and accept my sexual preference feels really good. Yet, again, to me my sexual preference is the last thing that would come up in my head. I do think about it sometimes, contemplating the idea to come out. But I never act on it for it's just something that is less important to me to deal with because life is big and living a life is what is important. That being said, I'm too busy living my life and paying bills to be thinking too much about coming out.

So, would I ever come out to my family? Only time can tell.

Until next post.

The First Week of the Pre-training

So, I got through the first week of the pre-training and I haven't cracked a bone so far. It's a good sign, hey? Although, I have to admit it was extremely though at the start, I was sore all over my body for the whole week, I could barely get up in the morning. However, at the same time, I feel good and happier. Yes, it's a good kind of pain for me.

After completing the first week I now realise that my upper body is stronger than my lower body, therefore I use my upper body a lot more than my lower body. That's why I am focusing more on training my legs and lower back, while keeping my upper body trained as much as well.

Aside from the training, I am now completely changing my habits to healthier ones. For example, I wake up two hours earlier in the morning to do my high-intensity interval training (HIIT) on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. On rest day, I do 35 minutes of walking/running or swimming. At the same time, I am also cutting off bad carbs and avoiding sweets, chocolates, deep fried food, and alcohol. In substitute, I now consume more vegetables accompanied by brown or quinoa rice. I also eat more fruits like berries, avocados and bananas. In the morning, I drink warm lemon water in an empty stomach and I have no digestion problem ever since. Bye bye constipation.

A few friends asked me why I suddenly change and do all this stuff. Well, I simply answered because I want a healthier body. I figure that if I'm going to live alone in my old days, I would like to at least stay healthy, body and mind. My decision is also supported by some good people around me. My manager, who is among them, has been quite a support and resourceful. She's been sending me all kinds of information regarding clean eating plan and healthy food recipes, and motivation. One of my friends was more than happy to do my groceries shopping and filled my cart with healthy food. I've also been stalking Aryuveda page on Facebook for health tips.

Starting today, it's my second week of the pre-training. I did my legs this morning and I could do more squats and lunges compared to the first week. Hopefully I don't get too sore tomorrow. I still have 15 weeks to go to complete the training and I am quite determined to keep going. This also reminds me to make an appointment with a chiropractor to get my body a proper check up, in order to prevent injuries since I am now doing a quite intense training. Not to mention that I injured myself a few times before and left it untreated.

This is a total change for me and it's not easy to tackle the old habits. But I'm quite hopeful and determined to keep going.

Until next post.

A New Plan, a New Goal

I have mentioned before about how flat my life is after graduation with nothing to achieve and how my days are filled merely with work. Sure, I do now have a free time to do whatever I like and not sitting on my desk, frantically typing on my laptop and struggling to finish an assignment (which oddly enough, I miss it so much now). And, as you know, I have also been catching up friends, acquaintances, and just people in general. Yet, knowing me, a few weeks of going out and meeting people exhaust my soul and therefore I would much prefer to go back to my natural habitat; solitude.

In my solitude I have been reading more books (am aiming to complete my Goodreads reading challenge), and watching TV shows. An awful lot of TV shows, I admit. (I currently just started watching Black Sails. What are you on?) Yet, again, it gives me nothing but pure entertainment to kill the time. Although this, I'm afraid, is me procrastinating. But it will be another piece of thought to write about next time as I don't want to deal with it for now.

A few weeks ago, I was completely occupied with my Temporary Residence (TR) visa application, but that was it. I've submitted my application last month, uploaded all the required documents, and completed the IELTS test and medical examination. I am currently awaiting to be officially granted a TR. In the matter of this, I have plenty other things to do in order to get a Permanent Resindence (PR) visa. Getting the score of 8 on each band in the IELTS test, for example.

So far, I've been quite successful in getting a score of 8 in Reading and Listening part. In Speaking and Writing, unfortunately, I scored only 7 on each part. It resulted in overall score of 7, which is more than good enough for TR visa, but not competent enough for PR visa. Therefore, I have to do a lot of practices in order to achieve the required score. However, my friend, it feels more of a task or a chore to me and is definitely not, even in the slightest, the kind of achievement I am talking about.

Still in the terms of finding something to avhieve, I've been spending some time thinking about many different goals I could achieve that fits my budget and wouldn't scrap out my savings, which unsurprisingly turn out to be not so many options. The first thing that came to my mind was traveling. I was thinking of backpacking to the New Zealand. However, the word 'backpacking' doesn't make it any less cheaper apparently. Thanks to the obligations that happen to be the number one priority. But since I love to travel, in solitude of course, I will keep the plan on the list while saving money little by little. Thus, it makes to the long-term goal I would like to achieve and it's giving me another reason to get up in the morning and go to work.

In the meantime, I am still in search of an achievement, and it brings me to the plan I'm about to tell. I recently found out that I have lost weight. It was during the medical examination 3 weeks ago, I found out I've lost 4 kgs since the last time I weighted. That, and some people claimed that I have, indeed, lost some weight. No, I assure you, I am not on diet, and never was. This must be due to the series of event that stressed me out I lost my appetite. (One being my TR process.) I remember awhile back I couldn't even finish my normal portion of meal and ate only once a day. I was always exhausted by the end of the day and acquired sleepless nights, sometimes I had nightmares too. That's how badly stressed out I was -- am, considering the nightmares still remain.

Regardless the nightmares, I'm feeling quite jolly with the losing weight business. This is me taking whatever positive out of something that is completely negative, if you know what I mean. So, I would like to keep this going in a more healthy way. I've forgone through a plan of joining Virgin Active, the best fitness club and cheaper than Fitness First. Unfortunately, as I am also planning to start a phone plan because my iPhone 4s is technically a dinosaur and dying, I gave up joining any fitness club. I'm not being tight arse here but, considering (again) my obligations, I am absolutely tight in terms of budget. I graduated in accounting, of course I did the math already and knowing me, I'd like to be (or feel, actually) financially secured so when I say I'm tight, it means I just have to spare one third of my earnings apart from my savings as crazy money. (Oh, I know it's never fun talking about money with me.)

So, it then brings me to another plan with the help of an acquaintance, whom lately I've been close to. Well, she's my manager actually. She emailed my a pdf file of a cardio workout plan, which I believe she paid quite some money for. Being a swimmer, I've never liked doing cardio, to be honest. But I read somewhere that it is best to do a workout that we don't like. Because doing a workout that we like, in my case swimming, our body gets too comfortable with the activity therefore it is unlikely to achieve the best result of the plan. Hence, the cardio workout plan for me!

Speaking of the plan, it consists of 4 weeks of pre-training for beginners, meaning me, and 12 weeks of training. Each week contains 3 days of workout session, where each session has 2 different circuits of workout need to be done in certain time. I've also done a bit of research of clean eating. This will be quite a challenge because I don't cook. I mean, I suck at cooking. And most of the healthy food I know is tasteless. But I think I could alternate it with something else. For example, giving up on Doritos and Twisties on the weekend. No more chips.

Now, that's the short-term plan and goal, and what I want to achieve out of this is a healthy and fitter body, rather than just losing weight out of distressful mind. I'll start the pre-training next week on Monday. I am quite hopeful to get through this. I want to and am going to. I will surely update it here on how I'm going with the plan.

Until next post.

P.S. If you're interested on the workout plan, kindly drop me an email so I can send you the link to the workout plan. Clearly, I couldn't distribute the pdf file to another third party due to copyright reason.

Mending a Broken Friendship

About a year ago, I had fall out with my one and only best friend, Quinn, resulting in she flew back to the United States without me seeing her off. We then did not talk for quite a while and I thought it was what is best for us, not talking to each other as per what she wanted. Although, she did message me on my birthday but the wound was unhealed and the hurt still was craved inside, therefore I didn't reply her. And so I didn't message her on her birthday.

A few months later, in December, she sent me an email, apologising for what happened between us as well as congratulating me on graduating. Again, my feelings were still bruised, and probably also my ego was hurt, I did not reply her. At the same time, I also needed some time to think about what I want to say, and I took quite a while apparently that on last Saturday she Facebook messaged me. And again, I did not reply just yet.

Until this afternoon, I woke up from my nap and thinking that I would want to work this friendship out. So I grabbed my phone and replied her message. What I said, though, wasn't exactly what I originally wanted to say should I had replied her email. Rather, I told her that I have put what had happened behind us and am willing to reconnect and mend the broken friendship.

It took me quite a while indeed to overcome the agonize until I realised that friendship is an important thing for me, especially the friendship I had with her. But most importantly the reason is, because I miss my best friend. I was told that it is hard to find the "best friend" and that is true, from my experience at least.

So we talked a bit and agreed that we do still have to sit and talk and sort things out of what had gone wrong between us. I have to admit that it was a little awkward now that it has been too long. But we also agreed to take one step at a time to fix the relationship. And honestly, I'm relieved that she, too, is willing to keep the friendship.

After this long I feel like a ten thousand kilos burden is lifted up from my shoulders. True enough, ever since I received her email I have been trying to avoid dealing with the problem and it has been haunting me, nurturing an anxiety inside me. I'm really putting a great hope for us to be able to work this out and go back to the way we used to before. It may take some time, but time is indeed what we need.

Until next post.

Life After Graduation

Admittedly, life after graduation is just plain boring. In terms of day-to-day activity, it's like playing a broken record repeatedly; wake up-go to work-get home-sleep-wake up-go to work-get home-sleep. You see, I work 5 days a week, 8 to 10 hours a day. I get Sundays and Mondays off, for now, which I use to catch up with friends (on Sundays) and to have some alone time (on Mondays). But other than that, there's nothing much to do.

Therefore I've come to realise that I personally need to constantly find something to achieve, or at least something to get up to in the morning other than just work and obligations. Some people I know, they decide to go back to uni and study another degree. For me, that is completely out of the equation as I can't afford another study. Not for the moment, at least.

Nevertheless, I have been using my days off to relax and do things I didn't get to do when I was in uni and juggling with two or three jobs. On the last weekend, for example, I went for an after work drink with my friends on Saturday, relaxing after a long day of labour work. We went to a Korean restaurant, Dare1, somewhere in Little Lonsdale, and ordered some food and soju. Heaps of soju. We played a drinking game and I, unintentionally, kept losing, so I was indeed intoxicated, resulting in a friend coming to pick me up and take me home. But I wasn't wasted surely. The next day I realised I lost my wallet in there. But God bless the staff, they found it and keep it for me to pick up tomorrow. I checked my saving account and my money is still there, though I have the cards cancelled when I couldn't find it at home and before I called the restaurant. My faith in human is restored.

Last Sunday was also a fun day. For the first time since I came here, I went to St Kilda Festival with some friends. It's a festival held annualy by the local council, Port Melbourne Council if I'm not mistaken, in supporting live music in Melbourne. There were a lot of street food stands, games, music and dance stages, and many other things, including heaps of people. Although I was feeling anxious and dizzy, a common thing that happens to me whenever I'm in a crowded place, I had fun nonetheless.

We played bumper cars, watched the free beach concert and played in the beach. The weather was nice, although a bit cool in the afternoon. In the evening we had dinner at a Japanese restaurant in the city and had a good conversation and laugh, making our the table was the most noisy and annoying table, which I feel bad about now. At the end of the day, I got home exhausted but feeling happy.

For the next weekend my friend and I are planning to travel to the countryside to have a little escape from the hustle and bustle of the city life. We're planning to go to Shepparton. I have never been there so I don't know what should I expect to find in there. Guess I'll see it for myself and it's the next story to be told.

By the way, this is my 300th post. Yay!

Until next post.

My First Pride

After considering to bail on my friend last time, I eventually made it to the Pride. Yep, it was my first Pride and although I wasn't so keen on going, nevertheless I had a good time. 

The Pride, and of course there was a march, took place in St Kilda. We got there at around 1:30 p.m. and there were already thousands of people gathering at the assembly area. Bill Shorten, an Australian politician, leader of Labor Party, was also in sight for a moment. What was he doing there is unknown but his party has been actively supporting marriage equality. Politic aside, everyone seemed to have a good time. 

I was introduced to a few people there and was invited to go along to march with their group, which I politely declined. Then in the far, I recognised some people from uni, including the lady who was once my counselor (and she still remembers me!), they are there representing the uni's Queer Department. I went to say hi and, again, was invited to march. In the end, I ended up joining them halfway the march. How weird could it be marching with your counselor? It was definitely awkward. A bit. 

There were about a hundred and more groups that participate in the march, including several government bodies. Of course, my favourite ones are the Victoria Police and the paramedics. I mean, women in uniform? Duh. 

Seeing all this, I get the feeling at that moment that things are far better now than it was years ago for LGBTIQ, at least in some countries. And I'm lucky enough to be living in a city that is not only cultural diversed, but also has gay friendly environment. 

We didn't stay for the after party because my friend has to work tomorrow and I myself was not in the mood for party and so we left for home. Well, this is definitely another tick on my bucket list. 

Happy Pride!

Until next post.

With the Family

It's been a week since I sent the family off and life's back to the way it used to be; the alone and quiet, nearly boring life. Being on my own now I realise that I did love having the family around, knowing that they would be at home waiting for me. Mum would then fix us a dinner after I shower, and Vincent would give me a massage before I go to bed. Oh, it was such a heaven! After a month they stayed with me, going home to nobody is definitely taking me a while to get use to.

As expected, it took them sometime to get around town by walking. Despite that Melbourne has better and more reliable public transport than any other city, walking long distance is also unavoidable to get you to the places you need to be. Though, after sometime they got use to it and were able to go out and wander around the city by themselves while I was at work.

Weather is another thing for them to cope with. Summer in Melbourne can be quite rough, particularly in scorch days that may reach up to 44 degrees (in Celsius), meanwhile the temperature may decrease down to 10 degrees at night. It's either way too hot or way too cold for them, but they made it through. I've made a mental note that I won't be able to fly Mum here during winter because she won't be able to handle the cold.

During their stay, I took them around when I was not working. They arrived one day prior to the graduation day, so that day I took them to the city. It was the first time for them taking a tram ride. The next day was the graduation so we were busy getting prepared. They came with me to the parade in the morning and then we spent some time taking pictures, then we had a lunch before heading out to Etihad Stadium for the graduation ceremony. It was indeed a night full of pride for me and my family.

For the next few days, I walked them around from Federation Square down to Yarra River and further up to the Shrine of Remembrance and Botanical Garden. In New Year's Eve we went to the city to watch the fireworks display. I also took them to Docklands, Melbourne Aquarium, Eureka Tower, Luna Park and St Kilda Beach, and, of course, the Queen Victoria Market, the place that Mum was so keen on going since she arrived. Later on, I also took her to the market close by the house, the Preston Market. You see, of all places that I took her, Woolworths and the markets were her absolute favourite places to go. She would end up buying ingredients and then cook them. How can I not love her dearly when she cooked me heaps of food that would last me for months?

The view from Yarra River

The view from Eureka Tower

St Kilda Beach

Federation Square in NYE

One day after New Year was Mum's birthday. I'm grateful that this year I had the chance to celebrate her birthday. We (and by "we" I mean more likely Mum) cooked some dishes and celebrated her birthday by having the meals. A friend of mine came over and my housemate bought a birthday cake.

On the last day, we went for a drive to Great Ocean Road. It was also my first time of going there. We stopped by at several stopping points to take scenery shots, and my favourite is the Teddy's Lookout, where you can see the beach and further the ocean. By night we finally arrived at the Twelve Apostles. There are actually only 8 apostles left by now but the name is kept as it is. We got there just right in time as the sun set and it was the most fascinating view I've ever seen.

The view from one of the lookouts

The Great Ocean Road, taken from atop the Teddy's Lookout

6 out of the 12 apostles

Lies atop is the road to Port Campbell

The Twelve Apostles Lookout

The other 2 apostles

Well, that's rounded up the trips. Next time I would surely take them to see more things, including the Gibson Steps and many more around the Great Ocean Road. In the meantime, I might go for a trip to Grampians with a friend this February. And what's coming soon is that I would probably go to Melbourne Pride this coming Sunday. Fingers crossed I don't cancel it last minute and decide to bail on my friend who's been begging me to come. Story to be told next, if I make it there. 

Until next post.

P.S. All pictures are credited to my brother.  

What's on in 2016

First of all, I'd like to wish everyone belated Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! I hope everyone had a good holiday and have a great new year ahead. So, how's everyone doing with 2016 resolution? I remember last year I made a list of my 2015 resolution and I'm proud to announce that I made half of the list.

On top of the list, I had hoped that I would graduate, and I did graduate. Mum and Vincent were here to celebrate my graduation and stayed for about a month. I sent them off just about this morning. I loved having them around but I'm glad that I got my place back. But at the same time it feels weird going home to an empty room and it's eerily quiet here, and I miss them already. I was taken care pretty well while Mum was here and it's something that I would always treasure. If you're living away from your family, you would know it.

This year I don't have any resolution mainly because I don't feel like spending some time thinking of what I should and want to do this year. That, and because I barely had enough sleep last night because I took the family to Great Ocean Road to see the Twelve Apostles yesterday, which took us 3 hours driving from Melbourne, and now I feel like I can pass out.

On second thought, though, I think my only resolution is to fly home for a visit and get to meet Gabriel, my nephew. Other than that I think this year will be just about work and job searching and juggling with visa. That's pretty much about it.

P.S. I apologise for failing to upload pictures of my graduation. I have an old phone with barely enough memory space left for photos.