Many times I've been asked if I would ever come out to my family. My answer is always the same, "No." I don't think that I would, or could, ever come out to my family, particularly to Mum. The reason being is, because I could imagine how they would react, and it wouldn't be a good thing.
The main reason, however, is actually because I love Mum too dearly I could not bear the thought of hurting her in the cruelest way by telling her I'm a lesbian. She would be absolutely devastated if I ever told her that. My other reason is because she has been through a lot and sacrificed so many things in her part to raise her children. Now being a single parent, I can only imagine the burden she's carrying on her shoulders for the sake of the family.
I used to say that maybe I would wait until I could be financially independent. Now I am and have even taken the responsibility of helping Mum funding Vincent's tuition, yet I still can't make myself coming out to her. Maybe, one day I would make up my mind to come out. Or maybe never.
The most important thing about this is that I don't feel the urge to come out to my family. I'm feeling just fine not telling them my true self. More of it is because I believe that my true self is more than just my sexuality preference; it is my personality, perspective, it is the way I see life, my values, principles, and belief.
I admit that being surrounded by people who know and accept my sexual preference feels really good. Yet, again, to me my sexual preference is the last thing that would come up in my head. I do think about it sometimes, contemplating the idea to come out. But I never act on it for it's just something that is less important to me to deal with because life is big and living a life is what is important. That being said, I'm too busy living my life and paying bills to be thinking too much about coming out.
So, would I ever come out to my family? Only time can tell.
Until next post.
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