I have just been back in Melbourne after spending 4 weeks in Indonesia, visiting my family. Three years not going back was indeed quite a long time. The house where I grew out seemed older than what I remembered and the town seemed smaller. The people, however, seemed to stay the same. Or in my case, I have changed so much since I left the town.
Travelling back home, as I have mentioned before, was indeed a little pilgrimage I needed. Revisiting the town, the people, the family and the life I have left behind made me realise that I am so much in a better state of mind, and mental. I can tell it from the way I handled my feelings when I saw everything that had happened in the past all over again and it didn't bother me as it used to. The pain and the hurt feelings that were once rooted so deep inside me, have slowly dissipated. Yes, at this time, I think it is a pity of what had happened to my parents and my family. But it's no longer leaving a trail of bitter feelings that making me blame the situation.
As my intention of the trip was to let go of my past, indeed I have come to let go of many things of my past and it include the people who I had once a relationship with; relatives and friends. I reckon it was not meant to happen at that time because my intention was to let go of my past after all. I have also learned to detach myself from it and accept it as part of me, as I realised it now that I can never change the past and I should not live in it any longer. It's always there and it stays where it should be.
There is a quote that fits perfectly with my experience. It says, "...we don't transcend our lives; we return to the life we left behind in the hopes of something better." I did find something better from my trip home; I found myself.
Now, I have returned to my life in Melbourne and continue doing what I have been doing. Only this time around, I am heading for a new beginning. It starts from me looking for a new place and looking for jobs, still. I have applied for an apartment and hopefully I get it. Fingers crossed that I could also get the job I applied for. This time, I got a referral from the inside, which is an employee of the company. We'll see how it turns out. In the meantime, I'm just waiting and keep doing what I can for now. I have set my intentions out, said it out loud and prayed for it. Now I'm just letting it all works out, letting the universe works its way.
Until next post.
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