The Things About Living Abroad

A few days ago, I read an interesting article about the depressing side effects of living abroad published by Elite Daily. The author pointed out 5 depressing side effects of living abroad, which at some point I agreed with and another I did not.

Here are my point of views regarding the side effects:

1. Your loved ones will be devastated.

Me moving out the house and now living abroad wasn't something new for my family. When I was 11 years old, my parents sent me away to live in a dorm and since then I have been living away from them for as long as I could remember. By the age of 18, I moved interstate and stayed there for 6 years. And now I'm here, in another side of the world.
 
During the past 17 years I've been living on my own and only came home every once a year. After 17 years, I spent almost 2 years at home with my family and I couldn't take it anymore. I always longed to get away on my own. Of course, I didn't blame my parents for sending me out at such a young age.

When I told Mum I wanted to move to Australia, she was shocked. She didn't see it coming and thought that I would settle down. But after several life-changing things that happened, I knew that I couldn't stay there and need to move out again.

Of course, it wasn't easy for me to leave home again, and leave Mum. Maybe she was devastated to see me leaving, too. Maybe. Because we have never spoken it out openly. Mum and I, we are not the touchy-feel kind of persons. But I knew form the look of her face when sending me out at the airport that she was devastated.

Times went by and she seemed to have accepted my decision to stay where I am right now. She even once said to me, "If this is what you really want, then make it happen." And I will.

2. You'll feel guilty all the time.

So, here I am, living the life that I want. But I suppose that there are always sacrifices I have to make to get what I want. And one of it is the guilty feeling.

She's getting older each day and I should have stayed in her side because I'm the only daughter, and the eldest. I'm supposed to take care of her, yet I chose to leave her in the pursuit of my own better living. This guilty feeling, it pains me sometimes.

Another sacrifice is to watch my nephew growing up through my phone screen. I wasn't there when he was born and I've never hold him, not even once. I watch him through my phone screen from when he was a newborn until now, turning into an active two-year-old kid. But now he knows my face and can say my name, which I'm quite happy about.

Sometimes, I wonder when will I finally get to see him . . .

3. You'll feel really, really lonely.

I can't deny this. It gets utterly, awfully lonely sometimes. Especially at this time around the year. The Stark's saying, winter is coming, which means things will about to get rougher and tougher (and colder, literally). Well, it applies to this loneliness I'm talking about.

I have spent two Christmases, two New Years, two Chinese New Years all by myself, and only Skyped my family back at home.

I do have friends and good friends here. But I also realise that sometimes I have no one to talk to. And I mean talk "talk". When I feel it this way, it feels like the worst loneliness ever.

However, after so long I got used to it. The loneliness. The no one-to-talk-to feeling. I have embraced it and ofttimes I would shut myself out from the world and just be in solitary.

4. You won't fit in anymore.

This is definitely true. I know I have changed so much over the past two years, living abroad on my own. I have somehow adapted to the new culture, new systems, and almost everything. I have had the change of attitude and also somehow the way I see life and how people should live.

I have learned new convictions and beliefs, and I've embraced them fully. I've discovered so many new things that I could ever imagine. I have also found out about my capabilities that I never knew I had. All these seem like a really good thing for me.

But somehow, this has alienated me from the people and place where I came from. (God knows how I can't live without Netflix and Spotify.) Most of the things that I used to feel right about, they just don't now.

Only one thing that hasn't changed, and it's because Mum is tirelessly reminding me: my faith.

5. You'll lose dear friends.

Well, I didn't quite agree with this point. I am now still in contact with some of my close friends back at home, though we don't speak as often as before. But I know that they are there somewhere.

Yes, I couldn't deny that I missed my close friend's wedding last year. But it doesn't mean we cut ourselves off from each other. Because I believe that a good friendship will always find its way to survive.

Until next post. 

Winter Adventure

This week is the last week of uni break for me. I haven't done much during break but working and catching up on series and, of course, sleeping during my days off. But today a couple of friends and I took a ride to Mount Dandenong. Our plan was to go for a walk in the forest and ascend the a thousand steps, you know, for a bit of work out. Unfortunate for us, the weather forbade to do so. It was raining and foggy and terribly cold up there. So, we ended up . . . eating. (So much for a work out, hey?)

Having wanted to try the famous Australian pie, we went to Pie In The Sky for lunch. The place has country themed design and it brought us to the countryside nuance once we were seated. The place is also quite easy to find and it only took us about 20-30 minutes drive from Carneige station. There is also public transport available running a service to that area.

Feeling a bit too hungry, we ordered pies for each one of us and a bowl of chips to share. I had the cheese minced beef pie served with peas, mashed potatoes and gravy. For a cheese lover, I loved it. And the crispiness of the pie was perfect.

Our next culinary destination was Miss Marple's Tea Room. It is located just a few minutes down the road. We headed there to try its remarkable scones and pudding. Yes, never miss a dessert.

They were having a "Christmas in July" theme and therefore the place was decorated with Christmas ornaments and Christmas song was played. They even have the fireplace lighted! For a minute it felt like it's the end of the year already. Only the true Christmas is in summer.

Anyway, if you are coming to Melbourne, you definitely ought to visit these two places and any place within the Dandenong Ranger area. I bet it would be better in summer, though.

Now, I have finally had the trip I wished for. Just when I thought it would never happen, a friend offered a ride. I guess the saying of "things happen just when you least expect it" is about right. Hopefully the next trip in summer will definitely happen, too. I haven't made a plan yet but we'll see.

Until next post.

May and June Updates

Hello, July.
And yes, it's winter here again.
And, I missed two months in updating this blog.
A promise has been broken.
Again.

Anyway, a little bit of update since my last post.

May. I celebrated my 28th birthday with Tab and Nana. We met up for a quick brunch at Hopetoun Tea Rooms. It's a fancy and well known restaurant in city, and it has been for over 100 years. That time we also celebrated Tab's wedding. I'm so happy for her and I wish her happiness always.

More on May, I eventually met up with a couple of girls/women through this one application called Wapa. It's something like Grindr for lesbians. Never imagined that I would use it but hey, why not? So I set up my profile and to my surprise I got a few messages quite often. Not bad, huh? Though I never intentionally check in every day and search and start a chat to someone. I guess I'm more like the 'waiting' type. I still keep in touch with some of them after the initial meetings, while the others, well, let's just say we didn't find any common interest and so we silently agreed to call it a quit. That, and I was fast absorbed with uni stuff and works.

June. More uni and more works. I struggled to complete 9 assignments in last semester but eventually I did complete all of them. I have to say that last semester was probably the best semester ever so far because I met with good, hard working people for most of my group works. It resulted in three High Distinction group reports out four, which I'm extremely happy about. Only one group in one course that was a pain in the ass. But I guess I can never have it all perfect, right? So I'm letting it go. I'm awaiting the official results and am hoping I did good enough on the individual assignment to pass the course.

Then there were final exams. I think I did well in most of the exams. But we'll see how the results will be.

Now. I'm on school break. Nothing much to do but work. I know I promised myself to go on a trip this break, but apparently I couldn't. There are several obligations I need to meet and some more important things to do. And it means only one word: WORK.

The trip can wait.

However, I managed to gift myself for my hard work during the semester. I guess it can be an early self-treat before the results come out. And that is, I bought a Kindle!!! Just the basic one, the one that is in my budget, the Kindle Touch (7th generation). Now I can catch up on readings again.

For the record, my initial purchase from the device was The Affair by Cori Kane. It's a lesbian story, by the way. I was at lost on what book should I read on the device and the title just came up on my mind because I recently saw it on my Facebook timeline. So I searched and purchased it for $3.99. It was an easy reading with a sweet and smutty but-not-too-steamy love making scene. But it was enough to warm me up a little. Hey, don't judge me. Melbourne's winter is grey and cold, and dull and lonely. I need something to warm me up beside having hot chocolate that will add another ounce to my scale, no?

Actually, my main intention was to catch up on Game of Thrones series. You know how thick the books are, don't you? So a Kindle will do.

Well, that's pretty much it for now. I'm going to bed with one pray in my head: hopefully I really do get good grades this semester, considering the self-treat I purchased.

Until next post.

A Year Older

It's 12:27 am now and it means one thing: I just turned 28.

Holly shit. You're old!!!!! That's Nana's message to me.

Oh well, happy birthday to me!!! And I'm going to make the most out of my 28-year-old life! 

I've got some plan on the weekend with some friends for a little celebration. Can't wait for that. I really need a getaway from the routine of daily life, not to mention I've worked too much and haven't had proper sleep since last week. 

Well, I'm going to bed. (Finally, I get my bed today after nights staying in uni.)

Until next post.

Purpose of Life and Acceptance

It must be the exhaustion and also lack of sleep that caused me to doze off yesterday (Monday). I had lectures to attend on Monday from 9:30 until 17:30. That morning, I couldn't wake up and so I skipped the first lecture. It was only an hour tutorial class, I'm sure I didn't miss much.

The following lecture was from 10:30 to 13:30. I came in after 11 and left the classroom at 12:30 to have lunch. After lunch, I attended the last lecture at 14:30. I was so sleepy right after the lecture began and my mind just completely shut down. I had no clue whatsoever of the topic being discussed. (This also reminds me that I have to review the topic soon.) By the time the lecturer sent us all home, I could barely open my eyes. So I headed home straight away.

I went to bed after I get home at around 7 o'clock in the evening and passed out until almost midnight. I woke up just to have a shower, made some toast (yes, I have strange habit to eat brekkie meal for dinner), ate it while checking and replying emails from my student account, brushed my teeth and went back to sleep. In total, I dozed off for 11 hours. Just what I needed apparently, although I was supposed to finish my report that night. But I woke up fully energised in the morning. If I didn't have to go to work, I so could have gone back to sleep and snooze until well past mid afternoon.

Now, to get into what is related to the title, early after work we all went to have lunch together. As usual we talked about things. Today's topic was about the purpose of life. Mr. J began by telling us that a friend, who we all know, a guy, is feeling depressed. He told Mr. J that he is feeling lost that he doesn't know what to do in his life anymore. He's stuck. He has nowehere else to go, he lost his passion of everything that he used to be passionate about. Down and down he is going that he eventually talked it out with Mr. J. It is something that he never did before, knowing that he is really closed and always keeps things to himself.

And so we began discussing about "feeling lost" and "having purpose in life". The question raised was: "What am I living for?"

Personally, I understand what our friend is going through right now because I still can remember it clearly that just a few months ago, and even a couple of years further back, I was in the same situation as him. It was a dark hole in my life. Well, long story short, here I am now, pursuing a better life; busy with uni and work that always tire me out, chased by time and can barely think of anything else but study and work my ass off. It is all for one purpose: to settle in here.

However, I am also worried that I will have less thing to do after I graduate. Because then, I will have to face the real world again. You know, finding a real job and building a career and such thing. But it is of course a different story for another discussion.

Being wise as usual, Mr. J shared with us a passage that he found on newspaper horoscope. The passage says:

Time is rather like the ocean. We're rather like little boats cast adrift on those great waves. We have no option other than to go with the flow. No matter how many sails we raise or engines we fire up, we can't go in another direction. Nor can we speed up our progress. What choice do we have? We have one. One very big, important choice. We can choose whether to feel OK about a situation we can't change or whether to resent it. Acceptance is the key to greater buoyancy and smoother sailing.

Underline the word "Acceptance". Having a purpose in life is utterly important. But it is also essential to be able to accept how life turns out to be.

At this moment, in the pursue of my purpose, I can do nothing but keep trying. I can't speed up through the time -- because there is no such thing as time machine -- but to live it day to day until I am there. Admittedly, I haven't come to the phase where acceptance is needed because I'm still on the sail now. I also realise that I haven't tried harder and so I am not in the position to accept anything just yet.

The passage is a reminder for me nonetheless, for many other things in my life. I, too, choose to feel OK about a situation I can't change, rather than resent it. And at the same time, I will keep moving forward. Because in that way I have the meaning of living my life. It somehow gives me a reason to get up every morning.

To accept, I admit, is something that somewhat is not an easy thing to do. But keep learning and trying I will. Because it is far, far better to learn and try and fail, than to live a life regretting things that I didn't do.

Like once I told a friend, "Life wouldn't give you anything good if you don't even try to live." It's about time to reflect on my own saying.

I took the photo with my iPhone a few weeks ago when I was at Parliament Station, on the way to home after work. It somewhat has a deep meaning for me. I posted it on Instagram with a caption saying: "Up I go". That photo genuinely reflects my current life that I even set it as my phone wallpaper.  

Wuzzaahh . . . I feel like I'm 50 years older now.

Anyhow, I've got to go to bed now. Got a group meeting early in the morning and also gotta rush out one report that is due on the 21st. (This all is for the one purpose.)

Until next post.