Temporary Resident and the End of the Pre-training

I know I should have posted this sooner, but I just couldn't make the time. Well, I am now officially a temporary resident in Australia for two years ahead. I got my visa approved a week ago or so and was quite jolly about it.

So what now?

I'm starting updating my resume and looking for jobs obviously. I don't deny it that since I have been working at the same place for as long as I'm here, meaning almost 3 years, it is rather hard to start looking for jobs again. It's hard to leave the place that I've grown accustomed to. I have unconciously created a comfort zone in that place, I feel like I'm wrapped in a bubble when looking for another jobs and I feel insecure stepping out of the comfort zone. That's the one reason why I have been procrastinating, really.

It's funny because coming to Melbourne, living all by myself, was actually me stepping out of my comfort zone. Now, after almost three years I feel comfortable enough to want to stay and live here, I lure myself into another comfort zone. This has to come to an end because I have obligations to myself and my family, therefore I have to force myself to put things into actions.

Another update is regarding the training I've been doing. Today I completed the first 4 weeks of pre-training! I'm so proud because I could stick to it for four weeks. On the contrary to my jobs searching business, I was able to force myself to do this training. It's not easy, I have to say, to force myself to wake up one or two hours earlier, kick the blanket and get off the bed to exercise. Not to mention the weather is getting cooler. But I can say that I'm committed to complete the training and so far I'm beginning to see the result. This is also confirmed by my friends who have been a great support that they're seeing the result on me.

I've lost 2 kilos (this, of course, is followed by clean eating) even before I completed the pre-training and my muscles have grown a bit. Not only that, I also feel healthier, my skin is glowing and I am more confident. It has nothing to do with my body weight because exercising itself releases endorphin that make me feel good, hence the increased confidence. Surely, I'm still far from my goal (yes, my goal is to get those muscles built, though I'm not aiming for it to be too bulky), however appreciating my hard work is equally important. I've also become stronger. Mind you, I started with zero fitness level that made the first two weeks feel like a torture. I do still sore after the exercise but it's not as painful as before. I'm just glad that it's all so worth it. After four weeks, it has now become a morning routine for me to exercise and I'm always looking forward to it; to the exercise and to the pain. I'm not being a masochist, but I swear the pain and soreness make me feel good, too!

The only side effect is it messed up my period cycle from 29 days to 36 days. Meaning, I was 7 days late, until I got my period today. But that's considered normal because my body is adjusting to the recent changes. So, it's nothing to worry about. Besides, I know my body and have noticed that my cycle changes when my body weight drastically changes. Other than that, I got nothing else to complain.

This coming week I'm getting into the 12 weeks resistance training and am quite hopeful to get through it. It starts tomorrow and it starts with a leg day. Well, wish me luck, people!

Until next post!

Would I Come Out to My Family?

Many times I've been asked if I would ever come out to my family. My answer is always the same, "No." I don't think that I would, or could, ever come out to my family, particularly to Mum. The reason being is, because I could imagine how they would react, and it wouldn't be a good thing.

The main reason, however, is actually because I love Mum too dearly I could not bear the thought of hurting her in the cruelest way by telling her I'm a lesbian. She would be absolutely devastated if I ever told her that. My other reason is because she has been through a lot and sacrificed so many things in her part to raise her children. Now being a single parent, I can only imagine the burden she's carrying on her shoulders for the sake of the family.

I used to say that maybe I would wait until I could be financially independent. Now I am and have even taken the responsibility of helping Mum funding Vincent's tuition, yet I still can't make myself coming out to her. Maybe, one day I would make up my mind to come out. Or maybe never.

The most important thing about this is that I don't feel the urge to come out to my family. I'm feeling just fine not telling them my true self. More of it is because I believe that my true self is more than just my sexuality preference; it is my personality, perspective, it is the way I see life, my values, principles, and belief. 

I admit that being surrounded by people who know and accept my sexual preference feels really good. Yet, again, to me my sexual preference is the last thing that would come up in my head. I do think about it sometimes, contemplating the idea to come out. But I never act on it for it's just something that is less important to me to deal with because life is big and living a life is what is important. That being said, I'm too busy living my life and paying bills to be thinking too much about coming out.

So, would I ever come out to my family? Only time can tell.

Until next post.