Maybe it wasn't the right time...

Remember about the girl that I talked about a few months ago? The one that I was supposed to contact since, well . . . last December? I never contacted her.

Until today.

I didn't realise that it had been this long hadn't I bumped into her coincidently. We didn't have the chance to have a little chat because I was rushing to work. But I did message her afterward, apologising for not staying to say hi.

She replied saying that it's all good and that we should catch up soon. She also mentioned that now she's in a relationship, she doesn't go out much partying, except for Soul Sisters and some other events that are more like social event.

To be honest, part of me is feeling disappointed for whatever reason that I don't understand, but another part is feeling relieved. And yes, I am talking about the "in a relationship" part of her message.

I guess, I'm feeling disappointed because only now I realised that she really meant it when she told me she wanted to get to know me better. Come to think of it, she really did try to spend time with me to find out more about me. I don't know about her intention, and would never know. But it does seem like she was giving me a green light and I was too oblivious of it.

Although it was never my intention to want to be romantically involved with her, it stung me to find out that she is someone else's now. Why do I feel like I blew off my chances, is something that confuses me. Now it feels like there are boundaries between us. One being we cannot meet outside social events like we used to. She's now the sorry-I-can't-reply-your-message-after-10 pm type of "in a relationship".

Of course, I could blame it on my study and work loads that prevented me to have more free time to go out with her every time she asked. But I would be in denial if I say so. Because I know, deep down, I wasn't ready then, to get too attached to someone. (I am not ready now, too). The fact that I didn't have the courage to contact her and I so easily let it slip through my fingers without enough try to grasp it say so much.

I'm happy for her nevertheless and I think she deserves to be happy, knowing that she's such a nice person.

As much as feeling disappointed, I'm also feeling relieved because now I don't have to hang on to whatever feeling I have. Maybe this just wasn't in the right time.

Do I regret this? Maybe yes. Maybe not. But it's not enough to make go all emo and masochist. Most likely I am fine and sooner than later I will have to fold this thought into the vault in my head.

But I did learn something from this; that when the time comes, I don't screw up by blowing it off.

When I am willing to take a big sacrifice, then I would know that that is the person, that it is the time. And I can wait patiently until it comes because I'm no in a rush anyway.

Until next post.