Purpose of Life and Acceptance

It must be the exhaustion and also lack of sleep that caused me to doze off yesterday (Monday). I had lectures to attend on Monday from 9:30 until 17:30. That morning, I couldn't wake up and so I skipped the first lecture. It was only an hour tutorial class, I'm sure I didn't miss much.

The following lecture was from 10:30 to 13:30. I came in after 11 and left the classroom at 12:30 to have lunch. After lunch, I attended the last lecture at 14:30. I was so sleepy right after the lecture began and my mind just completely shut down. I had no clue whatsoever of the topic being discussed. (This also reminds me that I have to review the topic soon.) By the time the lecturer sent us all home, I could barely open my eyes. So I headed home straight away.

I went to bed after I get home at around 7 o'clock in the evening and passed out until almost midnight. I woke up just to have a shower, made some toast (yes, I have strange habit to eat brekkie meal for dinner), ate it while checking and replying emails from my student account, brushed my teeth and went back to sleep. In total, I dozed off for 11 hours. Just what I needed apparently, although I was supposed to finish my report that night. But I woke up fully energised in the morning. If I didn't have to go to work, I so could have gone back to sleep and snooze until well past mid afternoon.

Now, to get into what is related to the title, early after work we all went to have lunch together. As usual we talked about things. Today's topic was about the purpose of life. Mr. J began by telling us that a friend, who we all know, a guy, is feeling depressed. He told Mr. J that he is feeling lost that he doesn't know what to do in his life anymore. He's stuck. He has nowehere else to go, he lost his passion of everything that he used to be passionate about. Down and down he is going that he eventually talked it out with Mr. J. It is something that he never did before, knowing that he is really closed and always keeps things to himself.

And so we began discussing about "feeling lost" and "having purpose in life". The question raised was: "What am I living for?"

Personally, I understand what our friend is going through right now because I still can remember it clearly that just a few months ago, and even a couple of years further back, I was in the same situation as him. It was a dark hole in my life. Well, long story short, here I am now, pursuing a better life; busy with uni and work that always tire me out, chased by time and can barely think of anything else but study and work my ass off. It is all for one purpose: to settle in here.

However, I am also worried that I will have less thing to do after I graduate. Because then, I will have to face the real world again. You know, finding a real job and building a career and such thing. But it is of course a different story for another discussion.

Being wise as usual, Mr. J shared with us a passage that he found on newspaper horoscope. The passage says:

Time is rather like the ocean. We're rather like little boats cast adrift on those great waves. We have no option other than to go with the flow. No matter how many sails we raise or engines we fire up, we can't go in another direction. Nor can we speed up our progress. What choice do we have? We have one. One very big, important choice. We can choose whether to feel OK about a situation we can't change or whether to resent it. Acceptance is the key to greater buoyancy and smoother sailing.

Underline the word "Acceptance". Having a purpose in life is utterly important. But it is also essential to be able to accept how life turns out to be.

At this moment, in the pursue of my purpose, I can do nothing but keep trying. I can't speed up through the time -- because there is no such thing as time machine -- but to live it day to day until I am there. Admittedly, I haven't come to the phase where acceptance is needed because I'm still on the sail now. I also realise that I haven't tried harder and so I am not in the position to accept anything just yet.

The passage is a reminder for me nonetheless, for many other things in my life. I, too, choose to feel OK about a situation I can't change, rather than resent it. And at the same time, I will keep moving forward. Because in that way I have the meaning of living my life. It somehow gives me a reason to get up every morning.

To accept, I admit, is something that somewhat is not an easy thing to do. But keep learning and trying I will. Because it is far, far better to learn and try and fail, than to live a life regretting things that I didn't do.

Like once I told a friend, "Life wouldn't give you anything good if you don't even try to live." It's about time to reflect on my own saying.

I took the photo with my iPhone a few weeks ago when I was at Parliament Station, on the way to home after work. It somewhat has a deep meaning for me. I posted it on Instagram with a caption saying: "Up I go". That photo genuinely reflects my current life that I even set it as my phone wallpaper.  

Wuzzaahh . . . I feel like I'm 50 years older now.

Anyhow, I've got to go to bed now. Got a group meeting early in the morning and also gotta rush out one report that is due on the 21st. (This all is for the one purpose.)

Until next post.