What I Would Call PMS

Lately I've been in bad mood. I'm grouchy and irritated all the time. Seems like I woke up on the wrong side of bed. To make it worse, the tenants living downstairs have been nasty noisy. This morning I have awoken by the sound of door banging and screaming. What the hell is wrong with them. It was only 6 a.m. and I really needed my sleep after working double shift yesterday (Friday). I finally made a complaint to the landlord because it's been going on for almost two weeks now. And on the same Friday, a workmate pulled a sick joke on me at work but I was too upset and too tired to tell him to fuck off.

To top it off, I called Mum earlier and asked her how's the thing going with the police report on Dad. She said he's nowhere to be seen right now so the police couldn't do anything about it yet. So that's it. I lost it. I lost my shit. I spurted like a hose (that does sound naughty, doesn't it?). Anyway, what I mean by the metaphor is I erupted. Clearly I bottled things up and I erupted so whatever is this feeling, it will hopefully die down. I can't remember anything I said to Mum on the phone and I reckon she didn't understand a single word I blurted. It's something like "it's a fucking corrupt system and shitty law enforcement we have back at home" along the lines. I mean, seriously, it's a freaking domestic violence and they're just letting it go. They're letting him go. No. This has nothing to do with acceptance. This has to do with justice. How can he get away with domestic violence and the system is just too corrupted. And to think about this thing is also happening to any other woman or child out there makes me even more irritated. Fuck morality. Fuck culture. When one does wrong, one deserves to be punished. 

Deep breath... Breathe in...hold...breathe out.... I require breathing exercise (which is not quite helpful right now). 

What sucks the most is, I've been having this stupid sugar craving. Sugar craving! Like I need any more sugar. I curse myself for buying chocolates on Valentine's because Coles had them on discounts, for god sake! I bought ten too many and put them in the fridge so I've been snacking on it. I popped a bag of pop corn earlier and munched it while watching the latest episode of Grey's Anatomy. Then I tore open a bar of Kit Kat while watching an episode of How To Get Away with Murder. I need to get rid the chocolates. Soon. 

"Fuck. Fucking sticks, screwing, shitting, frigging, fucker fuckness." That's pretty much how mad I am right now. Oh, that's probably the best cursing line I've ever read in a book. (Refer to The Last Days of Rabbit Hayes.) 

OK. When breathing exercise isn't working and pop corn and chocolate didn't help, it's time to go for the mantra, while sitting crossed-legs on the floor. 

Hum... hum... hum.... 

Until next post.