A Girl That I Met

After giving it a thought for several days and yet I still couldn't come up with any idea of costume, I might as well play the no-show card. Which means I'm not going to the housewarming party. Hence, I have to face the Judgement Day, explaining why I ditch the party. My excuse would be because I have another work to do. Well, that's the truth. Partially. Another excuse would be because I hate costume party. But of course I can't tell the manager that, can I?

Like I said, I suck at this. I'd rather stay at home, snuggling on my bed and catching up on Orphan Black. Or reading a book would be preferable. Too bad I have to work, though. But even work seems more enjoyable than that party.

You might get the impression of how nerdy I am. Or introverted. Truth is that's just who I am. It's not that I'm completely an outcast. I do enjoy socialize sometimes. But I'd prefer small group to socialize with. I feel more comfortable being in a small group. Suffice to say that I don't have many friends but I do have a handful of group of people that I call 'close friends'.

I remember Dad used to call me an anti-social. He often said it at my face that somehow, at some point, I believed it. But now I realised that he was wrong, that it's all a matter of choice. I have freedom to choose when I want to go out and hang out with my friends or when I want to stay at home and being alone. Like many months ago I used to go party at clubs or going out having drinks with friends every weekend. I even went to some social events held by a social group from MeetUp, attending gay parties and meeting new people. And from there I got to know a handful of people who I stay in touch with.

Admittedly, I did enjoy the partying, clubbing, drinking, raving, and socialising. But it's not something that I want to do at regular basis. Yet it's the thing that I need to do only for once in a while. That way I can actually feel the excitement. Otherwise, I'd get easily bored. No, I'd get tired of it. Not to mention it's weighed financially. Drinks are really, really expensive here. Even if I'm lightweight, I still could spend at minimum 30 bucks just for a couple of drinks. Also, not to mention that I'm not as young as I was 3 or 4 years ago. Getting closer to the end of 20's, I need at least three days to recover after partying all night.

During that time, where I used to be out a lot, I met a girl at one of the social events. I actually met her the first time at a club, and she happened to be a member of the group I recently joined in. She's 2 or 3 years younger than me, all energetic, a dancer with killer moves, a reader and writer (though I've never read any of her writings and would love to read one), and she's also interested in self-development. She knows a lot of things, always acts freely and even enjoys to do things that she loves by herself. We've met up a couple of times outside the group. One time she took me to this western karaoke bar at China Town. The place was well hidden and I assumed not many people know about it. I was amazed that she knows of such place and that she told me she used to go to that place by herself just so she can sing. FYI, western karaoke style is where you sing on a stage in front of other people. I would never have the guts to do that.

She seems a nice girl and really could be a good friend. I much appreciated her effort to talk to me and to want to know me. I know that she's such a good and caring person from her intention to introduce me to her 'business friends' although she barely knows much yet about me (but then something got in the way and I couldn't make it). Like I said, we've just met. Much to my appreciation, I'd like to befriend her. It'd be lovely to know more about her, too.

But that has to wait. 

After the many months of being out a lot, I feel the need to be alone for a little while. I know that this has been at least three weeks since the last time we talked and I haven't made any effort to show her my intention of befriending her. But I need a little more time while I'm trying to get better. Mentally. The last thing I want is for her to see how effed up I've been for the past couple of months. I'm working this out, real slow, I know. But I'm getting there.

I've been keeping a mental note to text her to ask her for a catch up over a cup of coffee or a meal. I sticked the note on my brain, so my mind can always read it. It's hanging on the back of my mind now.  And I will, one day, get back to her when I'm ready. Hopefully, by the time, she won't resent me.

Ah, it feels so good to let this out of my chest. And head.

Until next post.