When She's Gone

Here's the thing. Whenever I'm facing a heart-breaking turmoil or a chaotic situation or whenever I'm in a gloomy mood, I'm missing my Granny.

With my brother is getting married, my mom being sick and has been hospitalised, and I'm leaving in less than four months and have been having a constant back pain, it's enough reason for me to miss Granny so, so very much. I miss her so bad that it hurts. I miss her asking me if I had had my meal, or asked me if I prayed. I miss our little conversation over the phone call and she'd have told me to study hard and not taking a cold-shower at night.

Back when she was still alive and healthy, she would take me to the market and bought me things I asked. She was the only person who cared if I had enough underwear to wear, she was the only one who took care of my hair that most of my friends are willing to kill for. She was the one who took care of me when I was wounded. She would put on the medicine and held me close to her, whispering words to ease the pain. I remember the comfort I felt whenever I slept beside her, that I feared no pain because she wouldn't let me get hurt. Or even if I was hurt, I knew she would be there for me.

Now she had gone to a place that I believe is heaven. I lost the one person I love the most. Sometimes I feel weak knowing that she's no longer here to be with me, to prevent me to get hurt, to heal my wounds. Sometimes I would wonder over a star at the night sky; that she's the star, looking down at me. Other time I would lie on my bed, staring blankly at the ceiling and trying to imagine her face or remembering her voice. There are also times when I woke up in the middle of night and was terrified that I've already forgotten her face and voice.

However, deep down I know she's still alive and is looking out for me. And right at this moment, as I'm lying on my bed in the dark and alone, upset, tired, and hurt, and, well, typing this melancholic post, I know that she's right beside me.

It's just her presence and her voice that telling me everything is gonna be alright, is what I need the most...


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